Wolfstar One Shots

"Dont go"

„Don't Go" he whispered so quietly that Sirius almost didn't hear him. "Please stay. Just for another minute" Remus added, now opening his tired eyes to look at Sirius, who was already sitting on the bedside, fighting against the urge to crawl back to the person he loved most in this world. "Remus... James is waiting for me. I really have to go" Sirius answered with his back to Remus, trying not to sound too worried about what he was going to do today. James, Frank Longbottom and him had a mission for the order. Although Sirius loved the idea of fighting against death eaters, of doing something good and being able to help, he was tired. He was tired of fighting, of seeing James hurt expression whenever he had to leave his pregnant wife, tired of all the blood and scars and death. But most important he was tired of being away from Remus almost all the time, not knowing if they'll see each other again. Not knowing if it might have been the last time they talked. So... leaving was always the hardest part.

Sirius sighed when he felt 2 strong hands around his stomach. He wanted to pull away, because he knew it would make everything even more difficult, but his body enjoyed the touch so much, that his mind couldn't win this fight. Remus' lips found their way to Sirius' neck, kissing him softly and then placing his head on Sirius' shoulder. "I hate it when you leave" he whispered, inhaling slowly, as if he wanted to insert as much of Sirius' scent as possible. Sirius nodded, placing his hands on Remus's who were still wrapped around his stomach. "There will be days when no one's gotta leave" Sirius announced, his voice a bit shaky. "We will stay here the whole day and ... and cuddle and kiss and ... don't fear the next day. There will be better days. We just gotta get through this" he continued, rather trying to convince himself than Remus. His boyfriend quickly realized that Sirius was worried and changed his position, so he was sitting right next to him. "You're right" he said, although he didn't really believe it. "There will be better days. If you don't want to go, I can do the mission instead of you" he offered, some part of him hoping Sirius would accept it, although he knew him well enough to know he would never. "No!" Sirius exclaimed just like Remus expected him to.
"You'll stay here! You had enough missions this week. And waiting here for you is much worse than fighting ... " he added, looking at the floor.
"War is so much harder, when you got so much to loose" Remus exhaled, placing his head on Sirius' shoulder again. "But it also means we have something worth fighting for" Sirius added, placing his hand on Remus' thigh, gently stroking the naked skin with his tumb. Sirius breathed in deeply and then counted to ten in his head. 10 more seconds and he would have to leave. Because if he spent any second more next to Remus, he wouldn't be able to pull away anymore.
4-3-2-1... Sirius sighed and then stood up abruptly. He could only imagine Remus' hurt expression on his face, so he decided to not turn around anymore. He grabbed his robe and wanted to throw it over himself, when 2 strong arms turned him around. "You're not gonna leave without saying goodbye." Remus said, looking into Sirius grey eyes. "It only makes it harder" Sirius explained, trying not to kiss Remus, who was so close by now. "Sirius I" "Don't" Sirius interrupted his boyfriend, exactly knowing what he wanted to say next. He didn't know how he would ever be able to leave, if he heard the other boy say the words. " I love you. I love you so much" Remus said, ignoring what his boyfriend told him. Sirius felt how his heart skipped a beat. How could those words heal, but hurt so much at the same time? Sirius nodded, not being able to say anything, because he knew his voice would be shaking. Remus understood and leaned in closer. Just seconds later their lips were meeting and they clinched onto each other, as if it really was the last time they kissed. Remus grabbed Sirius hair with one hand, the other one laid on his lovers neck. He tried to show Sirius how much he loved him, how much he needed him to come back. Their kiss was passionate first, but then they began to slow down, as if they could protract the moment they would have to separate their lips. When Remus finally pulled back, Sirius felt like crying.
There he was, in the arms of the person that loved him, and the person he loved more that he could have ever imagined. And still, he had to leave.