Lust and Longing {aaron hotchner x reader} ✓

chapter twelve

"But you don't love me," He pulls his hand away, his voice taking on a bitter tone that cuts through you.

You open your mouth to speak and you want to say it. Those three words are on the tip of your tongue. Something else comes out instead.

"I'll clean out my desk in the morning," You speak up, breaking the silence.

"So you're just giving up on us?" He chuckles sadly. "We'll talk about this in the morning." He turns away from you.

"No Hotch, we're talking about this now," You grab his wrist and pull his attention back to you.

"You're giving up your job? That's ridiculous," He argues.

"Hotch please, trust me on this," Your hands go to cradle your face tiredly.

"I'm just supposed to let you walk away from me and your career?" He rips his hand from your grip.

"We're obviously not able to do our jobs while we're around one another," You protest, "Maybe if I take a step back from this job we can sort all this out."

"I'm not letting you quit," He points his finger out at the bullpen, "And the team— the team can't function without you."

"The team was just fine without me before," You try to convince him, "Can't you see that all we've done to one another in this job is hurt each other?" You sigh and bend down to pick up your bag, "I'll be here tomorrow morning with my resignation and you can't change my mind."

"Y/N," Hotch tries again but you simply turn and leave the office.

You reach up and wipe your eyes harshly. Are you being rash? Absolutely. But you know that the longer you stand there with Hotch, the more you're going to hurt him. You can't even tell him you love him... do you love him?

You're not quite sure you've ever been in love before. He makes you happy. He gives you that giddy feeling deep inside your stomach. Every little look, every stolen glance. It all makes your heart flutter. But he makes you laugh. You make him laugh. And not just those little chuckles when Reid is rambling or Morgan and Garcia embarrass each other over the phone. You make him really laugh. And his laugh always makes you laugh.

The first time you heard him truly laugh you couldn't contain yourself. For such a dark, deeply serious man, his higher-pitched, full of life laugh had you reeling. His sense of humor makes you really laugh too. He's not the stone-cold team leader everyone thinks of when they think of Unit Chief Aaron Hotchner. He's sarcastic and witty. He teases you relentlessly.

And the way he knows just how to make you feel cared for. He makes you feel seen. But is it him or is it the attraction to him? I mean it's not a question that you're attracted to him. The physical chemistry is there. But is it love?

In lust with Aaron Hotchner? Yes. But lust and longing are a lot different than love.

You rifle through your bag for your car keys. Once you finally get them out, you clumsily drop them onto the pavement, "Shit." You bend down and pick it up. You stand up straight.

A gloved hand clamps over your mouth and you're yanked back flush against a tall body behind you. You fumble for the holster at your hip but a sharp pinch in your neck has your vision blurring more and more by the second. You raise an elbow and attempt to throw it back into the gut of the person behind you, but just as you raise your arm, it goes weak and flops to your side. Your phone clatters to the ground. As you fade in and out of consciousness you feel your body tossed into the trunk of your own car and the car speeds out of the parking garage at top speed.

——

Hotch walks a few steps out of his office looking out over the bullpen. He looks down at his watch at the time. He leans against the railing slightly.

"Something wrong?" Rossi walks out of his office and leans on the railing next to Hotch.

"Y/N," He trails off.

"She's not here," Rossi notes, "Something happen last night?"

"She told me she was resigning," Hotch lets out and turns to see Rossi's shocked face.

"Jesus Aaron, what'd you do to her?" He teases playfully and Hotch shakes his head.

"Told her I loved her," He sighs out frustratedly, "But she said she would be here in the morning to clean out her things."

Rossi glances down at the desks. Hotch shakes his head, "She said she would be here."

"Maybe she overslept." Rossi tries.

"This late?" Hotch turns to him, "Something's not right. I can tell." Hotch pushes himself off the railing and walks down to the rest of the team in the middle of the bullpen. "Have any of you heard from Y/N?"

"No," Prentiss shakes her head, "I would expect you to be the person to have heard from her."

"She was supposed to come in and clear out her desk," Hotch looks over at Reid.

Reid's face falls, "Clear out her desk?"

"What's going on?" Morgan glances at Rossi as he comes down to join the team.

Hotch digs his hand into his pocket for his phone, dialing your number. After a few minutes it goes to voicemail, "She's not answering her phone."

"Wait, do we even have any real reason to believe something has happened to her?" JJ tries to calm a very quickly panicking Hotch down.

"Someone get Garcia to run a trace on her phone. Now." Hotch orders and Morgan only nods before bending down for the phone, dialing Garcia's number.

"She didn't call you last night?" Hotch looks at Reid.

"Me?" He swallows thickly and digs for his phone.

"You don't remember?"

"I had a few drinks and I don't normally drink," Reid's hands tremble as he looks through the phone, "No. Why would she call me?"

"You're her best friend... if something was wrong—" Hotch glances around at everyone.

"Hotch, I think we all know that if something was wrong, she would call you." Prentiss raises a brow at him.

"But I—"

"No matter what, she would call you," JJ chimes in again.

"You're her best friend, Hotch," Reid nods.

"I know something is wrong. She-" Hotch's hand is rubbing at his side and it's the first time he really takes note of it. You always tease him about it. "She wouldn't do this to me."

"Hotch," Garcia comes rushing towards him, "Her phone. It's here in the garage."

Hotch takes off at high speed, foregoing the elevator to rush down to the parking level. The team attempts to keep up with him. He digs into his pocket for his phone and dials your number and hears your phone ringing. He bends down and picks up the phone, looking over the shattered screen. He holds it up to the team who finally catches up with him, "Still think nothing's wrong?"

A/N

HEY Y'ALL! I'M BACK! I know this chapter was shorter than usual but the next chapter (aka probably the last chapter) will be extra long!

Thanks for being so patient with me <3

I love you all