Lust and Longing {aaron hotchner x reader} ✓

chapter twelve

"Aaron," You argue, your voice steely and icy. You need his attention, you need him to listen to you.

That catches his attention. He puts his pen down. "Yes?"

"Don't get angry with me," You cross your arms, "I'm trying to talk to you, isn't that what you're always asking me to do, to talk with you?"

"You made it clear the other night that you didn't want anything to do with me," Hotch scoffs lightly.

You bite the inside of your cheek harshly, "I'm trying here, Aaron."

"I can't do the hot and cold anymore, Y/N," He remains seated at his desk.

"You are such a hypocrite," You sigh frustratedly, "You get mad at me for hiding things with sex but then you turn around and do the right thing."

"I wasn't hiding anything—"

"Hotch, you were jealous. You wanted to be possessive," You let out a bitter laugh, "You wanted to claim me." You pause and clarify, "Look, I understand that a little jealousy is normal. You were angry. I get it. But what you did to me? That was unfair. That sex was..." You don't even know what to say.

Hotch pulls a hand up to his face, rubbing his fingers over his lips lightly.

You pause for a second and sigh, "I'm not mad about the sex, Aaron."

"Then why are you still so frustrated with me?" He lets out, throwing his hands out in frustration.

"Are you really so incapable of seeing how the way you've treated me at work is unfair?"

"I've treated you unfairly? You've disrespected me at every fucking turn of this case. Not to mention in front of the team." He finally stands up from his desk, placing his palms firmly on the surface.

"Oh please," You shake your head, "Morgan has disagreed with you and mouthed off to you a million times. You reprimand him but never not once have you have made it seem as if he's incapable of doing his job."

"With Morgan that's... it's different." He glances away from you temporarily.

"Really? How is it different? Please explain to me how it's different."

"I'm not in love with Morgan!" Hotch raises his voice and gestures out his office windows towards the bullpen. You let out a small breath and take a moment. You don't even know what to say. You open your mouth to say something but your mind goes blank.

Hotch walks around his desk to take a few steps towards you, "Please don't push me away. I know you feel something for me too," His voice softens. He reaches a hesitant hand out to cup your cheek.

"I don't know how to do this," You whisper, leaning into his touch. "I don't know how to go on like this with you. We can't even do our jobs properly anymore."

"We can work through it." His thumb brushes over your bottom lip. You want to pull away from his touch. Your eyes sting with tears. You can't think of the last time you let Hotch see you cry.

"Can we? You really can look me in the eyes and just pretend all the hurtful things I've said don't matter?" You look up at him, through bleary, tear-filled eyes and you see his face fall slightly

"What I said yesterday about you sleeping around and... I didn't mean it. You know that. I know you didn't mean the things you said."

"Can you ever really forget what I've said?" You feel him pull his hand away from your cheek. "Because I know I sure as hell have been playing your words on repeat in my head."

This time, it's Hotch who doesn't know what to say.

"I want this to work, Aaron, I do," You say softly, "I really do care for you."