Blinded by the Dark | General Hux

XV

"I've only made things worse. I want to repair all that happened with his attack and everything but I haven't. I can't. I wonder if I ever will." 

"It was his own stubbornness that led to his defeat. If he had listened to you in this office this wouldn't have happened, but alas, his superiority complex is too great for him to admit he's wrong. I know all too well." he said as Millicent stalked over the sofa away from her to jump up onto him instead and demand attention. He complied, running his hand over her tail when she decided to bother him with it, waving it in his face. Amelia smiled a little at this, surprised yet admiring his gentility when he wasn't placed under the scrutiny of everyone he commanded. "I can speak for most when I say I don't understand what the Supreme Leader sees in him other than power and it takes more than that to be a good leader, believe me." The cat finally settled on his lap and he mindlessly stroked her head. 

"The Supreme Leader wants me to take Ren's place..." she blurted out, hardly really thinking about it and he looked up. "He hasn't made a decision yet but he's considering it..."

"Oh...Really?" 

She met his eyes and he noticed a weighing pain in them, a fear of sorts but she kept any imminent tears at bay. "Sorry...I don't think I was supposed to tell you that...Who cares, I already told my master when I promised not to. Back when he didn't reprimand me for having emotions." She took a second swig, finding herself staring to like the burning sensation at some level.

"Well, I certainly agree with Snoke that you're perfectly capable. I'd like to see you take Ren's place...It'd make my life a lot easier."

"But it's not me. I don't think I want that. He knows I don't want power, not on that scale anyway. This is what it does to me." 

"I may not know much about this Force stuff, whether I really believe in it is another question, but perhaps his recent grievances with you could be attributed to his fear that you will succeed and he will not." He gestured with his glass toward her in a self-assured way, enforcing all his points as if every conversation he had was some kind of negotiation. "He may be harsher with you to both destroy your confidence - and as such Snoke's belief in you - and prove his own worth to him. That's all he truly cares about, not people or emotions. He only cares about one man's opinion." 

"You think so?" she asked and he nodded sincerely, low yellow light dancing over his now vaguely unkempt hair. 

"I do...but men like him who make no effort for those they are expected to care for and care about only one goal, they don't last long. They are always toppled..." he muttered, placing his empty glass down on the last word. "Somehow." 

"I do still care for him though." 

"Of course you do, he's your teacher. I could say the same about my father up until a point, he was still my father. Doesn't make it any less warranted, any less painful." He picked Millicent up in his arms, holding her to him almost as a distraction from any mention of the man who had and still did dictate his life. He tutted a little at her dragging her claws against his uniform then continued with a defeated sigh. "In fact, it's worse...but most importantly, you are not the only person who has ever felt like this." He looked at her deliberately, meeting her eyes that poked out from behind her curled knees. She smiled in agreement though he could only see it in her perfectly sparkling gaze. "You certainly won't be the last... Still people are people, can't change that." 

"No...but as long as there are people like you to counter it I can get over it," she whispered, watching everything he did in fascination and adoration: his eyelashes fluttering when he looked down, long fingers delicately dragging through the cat's fur causing him to smile genuinely, like he was happy, content, like that cat was the only being in the whole galaxy that had never judged him and he could just be serene; relaxed around.