"I promise"

Epilogue- "Fuck"

//. TRIGGER WARNINGS: INTRUSIVE THOUGHTS, THROWING UP, BULIMIA .//

He ran into the bathroom, closing the door rather harshly as he feels the waves rushing in.

Or rather, out, as Bakugou scrambled to the toilet, throwing his insides out as blood gushed into his brain, suffocating his thoughts instantly.

He stopped for a second, his ragged breathing filled up the silence, his breathing calming down-

Only to bring his head down again, spilling what has left in his stomach, repeating the cycle until he really didn't have anything in his stomach anymore.

"...Fuck"

"Fuck." he repeated, as he brushed his hair back and wiped his lips with his shirt.

There was some vomit spilled on the floor, and his favorite shirt was now ruined

Great, just great, isn't it?

Bakugou sighed, looking around for something to while the mess

...

Who would have thought this habit...no, addiction would be so hard to break?

He wouldn't admit it but...it was obvious the addiction had taken over him.

He had started throwing up as a coping mechanism. 

Something he would fall back on when he was feeling fat, stressed, or upset about anything.

He was able to go for weeks without making himself sick, the pattern was astonishingly infrequent, and he was in complete control of his...habit.

Everything was fine, people were complimenting him for being so thin all the time, and he did well in school, he was loved and hated equally, and he didn't mind

Until he did.

It was a normal day, he was in the bathroom, merely sitting in the stale after cleaning the grub his addiction had brought in, as he heard a few rookies coming in.

He didn't mean to eavesdrop, but god, they were so loud he couldn't help but listen.

They were talking about how fat and incompetent Bakugou was. How he was just a cocky bastard that would be nothing without his quirk.

His heart started pounding rapidly, and he could descry the blood crawling through his ears, his vision going blurry as he registered what he had just heard.

He wanted to jump out the stalls right now and then to snap at them, to tell them they were fucking wrong, like how people would've expected him to do.

But he felt so discarded and worthless, and scared as they continued rambling about something else, he let a tear slit by.

Sometimes people forgot Bakugou was a kid too. A stupid teenage kid.

Ofcourse he would care. He's an asshole, not emotionless.

What if they were right?

No, they were right.

Bakugou was fat, cocky, and useless.

He was ugly, and he didn't deserve to be a hero.

He was the one who ended All Might,

He was the jerk who made Midoriya's life hell.

He shouldn't even exist.

He knew.

But he had chosen to ignore it, bottling his emotions and thoughts, just letting himself free, because he thought people would accept him for who he was.

Sure, he did get carried away sometimes, but don't people all?

They all do it, but people seemed to launch on his attitude, pointing out every mistake and told him how horrible he was.

It was the way the world was made.

After that day, his habit became more frequent and severe.

He spent hours in his bathroom crying over his philosophies, sobbing at his disfigurement.

He just wanted to disappear, and get away from his sickening body.

All of that occurring in such a short time caused him to go into a depressive-like state. He didn't eat, nor get any sleep.

As a result, he began to lose weight. He didn't even realize at first that he was getting more thin until he was told he was under-weight by the healing girl. 

He didn't mind. It meant less meat to slow him down.

Besides, if he were thin and more handsome, people might like him more.

Then the fight with Midoriya happened.

"All might knows it was my fault, but hasn't said anything."

"Everyone has to know though!"

"I can't get it out of my head! It's like it's constantly playing on loop!"

"So what the hell am I supposed to do?!"

It wasn't...pleasant for Bakugou. 

He thought that confronting Midoriya would make him feel better, more strong-

But it didn't.

He only felt disgusted, angry, and guilty.

Disgust at himself for being so selfish and arrogant.

Anger at Midoriya for accepting who he was even after what he did.

Guilt as he recalled his event's with Midoriya ever since childhood

When Midoriya yelled at him how he was his goal, admirer, he didn't believe it.

Even after All Might himself assured him that it wasn't himself, he couldn't believe it.

He'll never admit it, but the habit clung to him more rigorously after the fight.

The words from months ago replaying in his head in a loop.

...

"Fuck."

He audibly and mentally cursed at himself as he looked in the toilet in disgust.

He had just cleaned the mess on the floor and was now looking in the toilet.

Little bits of his dinner was floating in the water, the clear water now slightly tainted white

He flickered his eyes around the room as if to check he was the only one there, as he flushed the toilet and sighed.

"I won't do it again"

"I promise."

he whispered to himself, ignoring the sting of his heart as he rubbed his eyes gently

"...I promise..."