Chasing Shadows (Jaylor Fanfiction)

Coughing Colors

Pause.

The pauses become shorter as the song goes on. By the time I get to the chorus, there's no pauses and we are in full motion baby. An issue arises very quickly though. I think I wasted all of my energy on one song. I have an entire set list of 16 songs. How am I supposed to finish this when I got over a dozen songs to do? Okay, you can't finish it if you already gave up.

• • •

I've finished half of them and I genuinely don't think I can do this anymore. I pause on stage and don't speak or move. All I do is just stand. I need to start my next song but you know...I just don't want to. I look at Joe in the audience who has Juliet wrapped around his shoulders. The Lucas boy has his arm around Olivia and Benjamin is standing on a chair just to try and see me. Do it for them, just do it for them.

"Sorry for the delay. I have some allergies going on. So, you guys know me, a lot of my songs have months or seasons and you know, I want to take you back to a summer, one that was cruel."

Fever dream high in the quiet of the night
You know that I caught it
Bad, bad boy, shiny toy with a price
You know that I bought it

Killing me slow, out the window
I'm always waiting for you to be waiting below
Devils roll the dice, angels roll their eyes
What doesn't kill me makes me want you more

I begin to hear a loud ring. The ring takes up all other sounds. I can't hear the crowd, I can't hear anything, all I hear is pain. Am I even in the right place of the song? Oh god I'm loosing track.

And it's new, the shape of your body
It's blue, the feeling I've got
And it's ooh, whoa o
It's a cruel summer
It's cool, that's what I tell 'em
No rules in breakable heaven
But ooh, whoa oh
It's a cruel summer
With you

Hang your head low in the glow of the vending machine
We say that we'll just screw it up in these trying times
I'm always waiting for you just to cut to the bone
So cut the headlights, summer's a knife
Angels roll the dice, devils roll their eyes
And if I bleed

Wait a fucking minute, this isn't right.

And it's ooh, whoa oh
It's a cruel summer
It's cool, that's what I tell 'em
No rules in breakable heaven

My vision is shutting down. It's all blurry. It's a ringing blur. I stop moving and a pounding headache begins. I feel like my head is going to explode and I can't-I can't breathe.

I'm drunk-I'm drunk in car
I cried I'm crying
Said "I'm fine," but it wasn't true.

It was never true. I begin stumble and lose my balance. I hear the people not cheering, I hear them stop. I hear a loud ring with a silent crowd.

And I scream-I scream

I can't breathe, I'm not even singing, I'm just talking. I want to scream for help but I can't do anything.

I love you.

I stop my entire performance. I'm standing like Bambi on ice and I feel like I've been shot in the head. I need help, I need someone. It's all hurting and for the first time while performing, I let myself go. I don't follow instructions, I try to breathe but nothing is happening. I don't know how to save myself or get out of this situation. The ringing is taking over and I scream, I scream like I never have before as the pain spreads through every nerve in my body. The pain I've been feeling for months has finally caught up to me and I can't stand it anymore. This isn't in my head, this isn't something simple. Something is wrong and I know it is.