The Truths Behind the Life of Maeve Sun Lively

19

"If you want, I can."

I rolled my eyes. "Whatever, not that it matters anyway. I guess the gene lottery gave me all this, gotta be appreciative, am I right?"

I expect her to agree or just leave the conversation as it is but she doesn't.

"You know why I came here partly because of you?" When I only stared at her and didn't answer, she continued. "You have a talent, but I don't think you realize what it is yet. And it's not like something that's really obvious that you can just see or hear. I don't think I even realized it until now that I've seen it for myself in person up close."

I laugh. "And what exactly is this talent you mention of?"

"You have this sort of glow and attitude that makes people want to watch you."

"You don't need to talk around words, just say it's this face and body." I move my hand in the air, gesturing at my face that still has a thin layer of makeup on.

She shakes her head. "No, I think even if you have a huge scar on your face someday, people will still come and watch you. You have this attitude, like I said, that makes people glue their eyes onto you. And plus, you're secretly a bitch and loathes everything on this show and you hate our rap instructor but throughout all that you act like you don't, which I guess is also a talent."

I looked at her sideways.

Klarise laughs. "You keep saying that I've come to the wrong place. That I'm wasting my time at C-Pop. But you know, I think the same goes out for you. The difference between us is that I realize that what I'm doing isn't for me but you don't. You're wasting your time and effort on something you're not enjoying, something you're not naturally meant for. C-Pop isn't for you either, Maeve Lively."

"Who said I don't enjoy my job? I love C-Pop, I——"

"Then what do you love about it?" Her brown eyes, which were small, turns suddenly too big.

I thought for a moment. I liked the recognition it gave me. I liked the exhilarating feeling that my name and face was everywhere in Beijing, that people knew who I am. Did I like to sing? No, not really, but you're not always blessed with the gift to like your job, right? And dancing? I guess I—I can't say I love it. But I was okay with it because these are the things that's bringing me fame. I'm on screen, what else am I supposed to ask for?

Klarise continues when I don't answer. "Have you ever thought about switching careers?"

I blinked at her, not ever have I thought about that. Or more like I haven't dared to imagine, Mr. Wang would never let me.

"It's too late."

"You're seventeen, almost eighteen. What's too late?"

"It's just..." How am I supposed to tell her? About Adele and Joseph and Mr. Wang? How can I leave Mr. Wang's company to go do something else? "Well, what will I even do if I'm not a C-Pop star?"

"Ever considered acting?"

The memory of the village TV flashes in my mind, me and the other kids squished together just to see the actors and actresses on that small blurry screen. Onscreen, I had wanted to be all over the screen. Not just in Beijing.

"I think you'd be great at it."

"What makes you say that?"

Klarise looks surprised. "Don't you even realize this yourself?"

"I don't have a clue of what you're trying to imply."

"I always noticed, but only when I look and observe hard enough, that you're putting up a smile and an acceptable face for the audience and the people around the show, when under it all, you have something else altogether. Something you don't show us, something I can't quite place..." Her eyes searched around me, and it suddenly made me a little too aware of myself. "If I knew you longer, I might tell you that you've been acting throughout most of this reality show, and even in those small interviews I've seen before."

"But you don't know me."

"I know the screen you. And now I know the real you, at least partly. But you're right, I guess I don't know you."

"Why are you telling me all this? We're not friends." But I want us to be, are we?

She doesn't seem too bothered by my words. "I don't like to see people making the wrong decisions. And it's often easier to spot mistakes on other people when it's not myself, so I wanted to let you know that you shouldn't stick to this. But don't let my words get to you if I'm wrong, especially if you really do enjoy what you're doing right now."

I stare at her a little too skeptically.

She puts her hand up, as if surrendering. "Sorry, I shouldn't have overshared my thoughts."

"Yes, you shouldn't have."

I couldn't stop thinking about it now though, what if she is right? Is this really what I want to spend the rest of my life doing?

"I have a question."

I rub my bare arms, my butt hurting from sitting so long on the cold cement. "Go ahead."

Klarise scoots closer to me. "Why did you pull us out here? Why me?"

I started rubbing my hands back and forth, I was fidgeting. I never fidgeted, even when I wanted to I never let the urge get a hold of me. And now it had.

"Because I wanted to get your mind off of tonight's show."

"Why?"

I looked down at the floor, at my bare legs. "I don't know, I felt bad I think." I didn't know what to tell her, so I quickly switched the question on her. "Why did you follow?"

And now it's her turn to think and fidget. Then she laughs. "You're one of the instructors, how will I ever dare to not follow."

"Well, you sure were brave enough to insult me."

"I told you, I didn't mean for it to be an insult. And plus, I don't think it got to you anyways."

"What if I told you it did? What if I was pretending?"

She looked at me, and suddenly, it was in a way like no one has ever looked at me before. It's this feeling of reassurance, but it also brought a wildness in me. I wasn't prepared for this, I didn't want this feeling, at least not really. When you can't name something and whatever is happening feels unpredictable, it feels like a threat, it brings fear. That's how I had felt when Klarise looked at me in that exact moment.

"Then I guess I'd never know unless you tell me."

"Klarise?"

I realized then that I've never really said her name out loud before, or at least not like this. Not like she's someone close to me. Not like when it feels like I've known her maybe all my life.

Her mouth opened, and I felt my heart pounding a little too hard against my chest. What was she going to say? It felt like anything in that moment was possible, and I was eager to hear what she would say, but at the same time I feared it.

Although whatever it was, it didn't manage to come out of her mouth when the sound of wheels passing gravel came scraping by. The headlights blinded us, our arms covering our eyes as we tried to hide ourselves from the over brightness. The car comes driving toward us, and when it parks close, I could see the familiar shadowy black hair and those warm eyes behind the driver's seat.

Mason gets out of the car and he runs his hand in his hair, looking more freaked out than ever. He brings his phone into his ear and I heard him say, his voice a raspy croak; "I found them."

Klarise got up and Mason was talking and talking. I didn't know what I was feeling, but it suddenly felt like something was happening, and I didn't know what it was. I didn't want it to happen or acknowledged it.

Klarise looks back at me, her hands already on the car door. "Are you coming?"

I think it was starting in those few moments that I was losing my sense of direction.