The Truths Behind the Life of Maeve Sun Lively

7

I would look in the mirror at my face sometimes, and I'd often think to myself; what if I didn't have this face? Would they still give me these things then?

Not just the adults, but the village kids too. I remember very clearly when I was around eight, there was a boy named 杨康 (Yang Kang) who found a rock that was shaped into a heart. He said to me eagerly, "I'm going to tie a rope to this and give it to my mom as a necklace!"

I had thought about what he said, and I knew that I wanted to impress my mother. So I said back to him, "Oh, except I wanted to do that for my mom too. But since you found the rock first, I guess it's yours." And I knew you couldn't just say something for it to work. You need to act it too. So I let my face hang in a sort of lopsided way, frowning just enough that won't make me look like I'm trying too hard.

He looked back and forth from me and the rock in his hand. He was hesitant, but finally, he gave the rock to me and said; "Here you go, I mean my mother already knows I love her so I won't need this."

I ignored what he had said about his mother and thanked him. Because in a way, it felt like he was saying: Your mother doesn't love you so you'll need this more than I do. Although I knew he didn't mean that, he wouldn't know.

I tied the perfect rope I found to the rock and gave it to my mother. She looked at me and she goes:

"Why can't you be more useful?"

I wanted to tell her that I am useful. That the whole village loves me. They adore me. I was sweet. I was kind. I had a sort of power and I knew how to use it. But just why couldn't she see the good other people saw in me?

My mother made sure, in every way possible, that I knew what I am. Whenever I complained, whenever I misspoke or say something wrong, or just whenever she felt like she needed to remind me; she will tell me how useless I am. How she wished she never had me. How she should've never slept with that foreigner. How I'm the worst thing that has happened to her and forever will be.

I would often cry under my sheets at night after she said those types of things to me. But in the morning, I'd be fresh as new. And over the courses of years, I stopped crying under my sheets. I stopped crying for her altogether.

Because I knew better of myself than she was trying to suppress me to think I was.

There was one TV in the whole village. And the village kids and I would gather around it when it's turned on. There would be singers, singing on huge stages. Dancers dancing. And then there were the films where there's actors and actresses. I liked watching TV. I liked watching the people on the screen. And I didn't know starting since when, but I knew for sure I was going to be on the screen one day.

HERE'S THE THING, I knew my mother was going to get rid of me as soon as the chance comes. And the only way she knew how was to marry me off.

My body started to develop when I was ten. I was earlier than all the other girls in my village. My chest was growing, my hips were starting to curve, and my legs were getting longer and I was losing my once childish body and looking more mature. My mind wasn't ready for the body I was being given.

By the time I was twelve, I was five foot seven and I could fit into my mother's bra perfectly.

The older boys in the village started to look at me differently. Not the way they used to see me like a little sister they needed to protect, but someone they wanted to get in bed with. And not just the boys, it was also the men. I was scared, for sure I was. I didn't know what this had meant and what would happen to me.