The Quagmires

Chapter 6: The Scandalous School

One of Lemony Snicket's trusted associates, may her soul rest in peace, once said, "It's a curious thing, the death of a loved one. It's like climbing the stairs to your room in the dark, thinking that there's one more stair than there is. And your foot falls through the air, and there is a sickly feeling of dark surprise." Unfortunately, this didn't only describe Duncan and Isadora's feelings toward Ms. Adria's death, but it also described how they felt about their parents' death. 

Mr. Poe arrived not too late after the medical personnel took away the dead body. 

"Oh you poor children," he said.

"We barely got to stay with her," said Isadora. She had finally stopped crying, but the frown on her face hadn't disappeared.

"We were starting to like living with her," added Duncan, "And now she's gone."

"Well don't you worry about it," said Mr. Poe reassuringly, although he really hadn't been of any help, "The members of Orphan Affairs at Mulctuary Money Management and I have decided to send any orphans to a boarding school. We don't want to start a series of unfortunate events. The last orphans I had to find guardians for were always losing their guardians. Well, now I've lost them," continued Mr. Poe, trailing off.

"Which school are we going to?" asked Isadora.

"Prufrock Preparatory school," replied Mr. Poe, "One of the best schools a heavily reduced tuition fee can buy."

"So we're just going to leave?" asked Duncan.

"We must," said Mr. Poe.

"Wait, how did you get up here?" asked Isadora.

"I just followed the nurses through a wall that turned out to be a door. They said something and then we arrived here," replied Mr. Poe. "Come on children, it's time to leave."

"Goodbye," Duncan and Isadora whispered in unison. They were saying goodbye to the extraordinary plants and the beautiful home Ms. Adria had given him.

The journey to the academy was long and boring, and the Quagmires were certainly unhappy about going to a boarding school, but they had no choice.

"Here's a little trivia, the architect of this school was severely depressed," mentioned Poe.

"Clearly," whispered Duncan to Isadora.

"Alright now, follow me," said Mr. Poe, as he got out of his car, and so, the Quagmires followed. Mr. Poe handed them their school uniforms and informed them to get changed when they arrive at the school.

They finally arrived at the big old oak door of the school and entered. Duncan and Isadora each headed to the changing rooms and put on their, long sleeved white shirts, red and white ties, black sweaters, and their dark red blazers. The girls were given gray skirts and the boys had to wear gray pants.

As they walked through the dimly lit hallway, they noticed that people were whispering things and staring at them. Isadora could only hear a few words like "fire" and "orphans", but she knew exactly what they were talking about.

"Sit here," said Mr. Poe, "I need to have a few words with the vice principal, and then he'll want to see you." 

The Quagmires sat down, patiently waiting to see the vice principal. Instead, a little girl dressed in a bright pink dress and noisy tap dancing shoes, walked up to them, her very loud shoes clicking and tapping on her way. She had very curly hair, which did look very unnatural.

"Get up cake-sniffers," she yelled at them, and then she smiled maliciously, "I'm supposed to show you around the school."

"What's your name," asked Isadora, trying to be nice.

"Only an idiot like you wouldn't know who I am," replied the little girl.

"I don't think cake-sniffer was a compliment," whispered Duncan to Isadora.

"Agreed," whispered Isadora back.

"My name is Carmelita Spats," continued the little girl, as she walked them through the hallway, "And I'm the most adorable girl in this entire school! Vice principal Nero loves me, so I don't have to wear the uniform. He also got me these amazing tap dancing shoes!" Duncan rolled his eyes, then sighed as he and Isadora followed the annoying little girl.

The school tour had finally come to an end, and the Quagmires were back at vice principal Nero's office. Carmelita cleared her throat and the Quagmires thought she wanted a 'thank you'.

"Thank you, Carmelita," said Duncan.

"Thank you? That's it?" said Carmelita in surprise. "I knew you were cake-sniffers. Do I have to explain it to you. All tour guides must get a tip in the end of a tour." 

"A tip?" asked Duncan. 

"Yes, a tip. Are you deaf?"

Carmelita kicked vice principal's office door. It had the words 'Vice Principal Nero' imprinted on it. A tall, buff figure opened it. He barely had any hair on his head, and he was dressed very poorly.

"You're late," exclaimed vice principal Nero.

"But Carmelita was show-," Isadora was cut off by the vice principal as she was explaining.

"But Carmelita was showing," mocked vice principal Nero, "I don't care," he said. "Thank you, Carmelita," continued vice principal Nero, "Adorable outfit, by the way, just like you." Carmelita smiled at him and said,

"Thank you, you're a genius," and she spun away from them.

Of course, vice principal Nero was nowhere near a genius, a phrase which here means he was foolish, unintelligent, and a terrible violinist. He, however, could not see that, and he played his rusty violin with broken strings anytime he got the chance.

"There is a beautiful dorm room given to our students here at Prufrock Preparatory school," said the vice principal, as he handed them a photo of a large, classy dorm room, with a view of the sea. Duncan and Isadora smiled at the view of this suite. "Of course you won't be seeing much of it."

"Why?" asked Duncan.

"Because you're orphans," replied vice principal Nero, "And you need a parent or guardian to sign a form to allow you to stay in this wonderful dorm room."

"That's not fair, we have neither," stated Isadora.

"Exactly," said the vice principal. "You, orphans, will be staying in our orphan shack." He handed them a photo of a wooden, slanted, dirty shack. "Isabella, you'll be staying with Mrs. Bass."

"Isadora," corrected Isadora.

"And Dunclet, you'll be with Mr. Remora," continued vice principal Nero.

"My name is Duncan," said Duncan.

"Whatever, now get out twins," said Nero carelessly.

"We're not twins," attacked Duncan.

"We're triplets," said Isadora. "Our brother Quigley died in a fire." 

"Just get out. A genius needs his violin practice," stated the vice principal. The Quagmires then left, trying hard not to hear vice principal Nero play his rusty violin.