Guide My Steps - A Zak Bagans Story

Coffee Bean Sorrows

“Yes. I do remember.” I mumbled, licking my lips. “You just need to understand that I’m…conflicted.”

He titled his head to the side, scooting himself a little out of the seat so he could turn to face me fully. His knees bumped into mine and his legs were spread eagle, more so than before.

“These damn booths,” he growled out, attempting to unhook one his legs from the other. A giggle rose in my throat, but instead it was replaced with a tiny, almost invisible smile. “Okay,” he sighed after a moment of fidgeting. “Why is the lovely Emeline conflicted?”

Shaking my head, I used my other hand to brush back my bird’s nest of hair. “I’m thinking.” It was short and simple. Straight to the point…without specifics.

“Oh.” He nodded his head once. “So am I.” His lips were a straight line as he continued to rub my palm with his thumb. “If it answers any of your thoughts…I’m confused too. And slightly angry.” I didn’t met the burn of his gaze on me.

“You? Angry?” Eyes searched my face when I glanced up quickly at what I said. “You’re always angry…”

Accepting my words with another nod, he sighed loudly. “I know.” I saw the heartbreak in his features as he rolled his mind over what I said. “I’m sorry that I’m not perfect, Em. I know I should’ve stopped with Laura before things got out of hand and–“

 “Zak.” I said sharply and he eyed me.

The shock on his face was clear. I rarely called him by his first name – it was always Bagans because I refused to acknowledge how much his name really meant to me. How beautiful it sounded rolling off my tongue. The way he was looking at me was really beginning to make my stomach turn, for his features softened and he smiled a genuine smile for once.

I continued, “I never asked for you to be perfect. I’m so far from perfect that it’d be considered sinning for me to ask you of it. Perfection is least important to me, Zak. I swear by it.” My hand shook as I set it on the table, grappling for something unknown to me. To cover up the meaningless action, I closed my notebook and tucked it along with my research materials on the other side of the booth’s seats. “But I need to know of all things….did you really love her?”

He blinked at me, silent. “I don’t know. I…wasn’t thinking clearly. She came into my life when I was most fragile. When I was most prone to catch the sickness that came along with her… I truly am sorry, Emeline.” I nodded slowly, biting the inside of my cheek. “Laura distracted me from everything that went on…but what she did is truly unforgivable.”

“What?” I mumbled out.

He nodded to give me the answer to my spinning thoughts.

“She cheated on you?” It took all I had not to choke. This was my best friend. He was a gentle giant, so sweet and easy to love. She sickened me greatly.

“With multiple men.” He stared down as his knees swayed into mine. “At first, I thought I was going crazy when I went through her things…and before I had the chance to put two and two together,” he frowned, pausing, “you told me your suspicious and I instantly closed up.” I twisted my cheeks, watching as he swung his legs back and forth. There were bomb-like bursts in my stomach – it was my nerves telling me something was wrong.

A voice zipped through my mind with determination. It said, ‘Trust your instincts.’ It sounded like my mother. I reached a hand out and did something I dared myself never to do. I set my hand on his thigh to settle his moving legs, looking up into his eyes with raw sorrow from wounds I never knew I had. Maybe it wasn’t my nerves bouncing around in my stomach after all. It was something else. Something more dangerous.

Without a second to lose, he leaned down and pressed his lips to my forehead, lingering there before he moved lower. He paused on my cheek, kissing the tip of my nose. I breathed in shaky gasps, anticipation questioning as to what he was going to do next. His breath tickled my neck, and instinctively, my head lolled backwards. I squeezed his leg once he placed his lips to my neck, my favorite place to be kissed. I heard his sigh and felt his smile on my clavicle.

“What are you doing?” I asked softly, ears aware to the surrounds. I was waiting for either Nick, Aaron or Billy to call us out. This wasn’t the place to do this.

“Reading your mind.”

Well, shit.

“Is…this okay?” He pulled away just enough to see my expression. Numbly, I couldn’t stop my head from nodding. Heat raced across my cheeks at the deep, whisper soft chuckle that rumbled through his chest. “This isn’t the place to do this…” He repeated my earlier thoughts. An idea popped into my head.

“Nobody’s outside.” I whispered, desire urging me onwards. In seconds, Bagans had latched onto my hand and was dragging me out the door without another word.

*

A/N: Thoughts? Feelings? Lol, please don't hesitate to comment anything you have a question about or want to know a bit more of. But NO SPOILERS. PM me if you have any ideas or things you wish to see happen with Emie and Zak's crazy life. Thanks a bunch for reading!

Yours truly,

Mari Fey <3