My Cupid is Not Blind

"TODAY I WILL MEET MY SOULMATE!" has been my mantra ever since.

    Every morning, as soon as I wake up, I tell myself this. I have been searching and waiting for my soulmate for 20 years now. I will be the president if there is a fan club for those who believe soulmates exist.

    But why do I believe in soulmates?

    My incurable romantic mother instilled this in me very young: I would only have a happy and lasting marriage if I got to marry my soulmate. So I promised myself I would never get married until I found him. And I will be single for life unless my soulmate comes!

    "I have separated from your dad. I can't take his drinking and physical abuse anymore." My mom dropped the bomb between sobs and smiles.   

    I tried to tie her long, tangled hair with my small pinkish hands. So it was after their loud and physical fight of the day. It has been like this since I can remember.

At what age did I remember? I guess since I was three.

I used to see my dad more days drunk than sober. He lost his job after having a stroke. My mom always says that my father became the worst version of himself after. He was never sober. He was never a father to me nor a husband to my mom.

Remember this: you should only marry your soulmate so you won't end up like me! Never rush into marrying the first guy you'll meet. Never say yes to the first guy you will go on a date with. Instead, meet and date as many guys as you can!

Those words are like my mom's version of the pledge of allegiance, specifically addressed to me every morning since I was eight.

Now, can anyone tell me why I shouldn't remember?

Getting into a relationship is like standing in front of a long buffet table where you can see all the food options available for your tasting. The same is true when you go on blind dates. Only after a series of blind dates can you decide which one is the one. My mom told me multiple times that the one is the only one, and only one person can be my soulmate.

At the young age of ten, I concocted a plan. When I turn 18, I will start the hunt for my only one. Just like an array of food, so has been my dating life. If there's a recipe book for dishes, I also have my book of the many blind dates I have had since I turned 18. I call it my BD# Book, short for Blind Date Number Book.

I opted for blind dating to avoid feeling biased toward anyone I would meet. Also, it's making every meeting a fresh start. From 18 to my current age of 28, I have mastered the different styles of blind dating. If a leader or boss is in dating, like in a Minecraft game, I'll be an Ender Dragon.

My first blind date, my high school best friend set up, was the cutest. The guy was her cousin from the city who came to spend the summer on the cape. I thought that blind dating meant not showing one's face to the other. So, consulting no one, I came to our small-town coffee shop wearing my red dragon masquerade mask. As soon as I sat on the chair across from him, I knew he wasn't the one.

At first, his brows raised with his mouth open. But, once he realized I was the blind date, he burst into unstoppable laughter. When his face turned red after looking around and seeing some customers laughing with him, embarrassment was written all over his face. Though I find him cute, he was already gone before I could say hello and do a face reveal. It took my best friend one week to nag me. Her cousin thought I did it intentionally to embarrass and make him dislike me.

BD #1. It started my long list of blind dates.

The entries in my BD # book went on and on. Blind dating became my second job, with no pay. Whenever I know someone looking for a blind date, I'm the first choice: the woman for the job. So BD #1 became BD #2, 3, 4, 5... BD #10... BD #15... BD #20... BD #40... BD #60... BD #80. There was even a night that I joined speed dating. That night, my list of BD #80 became BD #95. But still- NO SUCCESS.