Down For The Count

Wait For It

"Everyone's gonna know I flipped out in here." I groaned, trying to rapidly fan my face. I don't need any more attention brought to me today.

I saw Pippa shake her head in the mirror behind me, chuckling a bit.

"You'll be okay. I'm sure if we just go straight to Lin's dressing room no one will even notice."

I nodded, hoping she was right.

I also hoped that Vanessa would be in there, or else that might be the part that Lin dismisses Pippa and yells at me.

Hits me.

"Ready to go?" She asked, walking over to the door.

"Okay...yeah...okay." My thoughts were scattered, my stomach still in knots. I took a deep breath, trying to pull myself together as Phillipa pulled the heavy door open, leading me out into the hallway. No one was around, which was a really good thing.

We walked together to Lin's dressing room, Pippa gently knocking before slowly opening the closed door.

Lin and Vanessa were standing close, seeming to be in the middle of a very important conversation that we evidently interrupted.

Vanessa walked over to me, pulling me into a hug, and I swear I almost started crying again.

But I didn't.

I'm tired of being the sensitive one. The one that always cries and is scared of everything. I'm gonna be better about keeping my emotions in. No one likes the girl who always cries. It's better to keep things in than to let them show.

I choked back what I was feeling, not daring to let the tears that were pooling in my eyes fall.

Vanessa pulled back, giving me a small smile as she wiped my cheeks with her thumbs.

"I got you water." Lin said, causing all of us to look over at him. "And, uh, a jacket, if you still want it."

Now the few eyes in the room fell on me.

I slowly nodded, giving him a small smile but not daring to meet his eyes.

I took the gray Hamilton zip-up that he keeps in here from him, pulling it on and immediately feeling a bit comfier.

He handed me the bottle of water, which I quietly thanked him for.

But then he took a step forward, I think to give me a hug, and I took a step backwards, nearly hiding behind Vanessa.

The situation in front of us could be easily compared to that of a small child hiding from a stranger behind their mother, and I immediately felt horrified with myself.

Lin's not a stranger. Lin is...Lin. Why would I...why couldn't I have just let him hug me? He's not gonna hurt me with Pippa and Vanessa in here.

I quickly stepped out from behind Vanessa, attempting to de-escalate the tension, but it was way too late. The hurt was embedded in Lin's eyes, and I immediately looked away.

"Can we go home?" I whispered to Vanessa, looking up at her. She didn't look hurt like Lin did, but rather stunned, Phillipa wearing the same exact expression beside her.

"Um...yeah, we can." Vanessa said after a moment, very visibly pulling herself together as she looked over at Lin. I watched as she whispered something to him, giving him a hug before pulling away.

Lin's eyes were on me though, that confused look still on his face, that hurt look still in his eyes.

What is wrong with you, Paisley.

Vanessa smiled when she turned to me, wrapping her arm around me as she lead me out of the dressing room.

I gave Pippa a small smile as we walked out, sort of a silent thank you, which she seemed to pick up on, giving me a smile back as well as a small nod.

I looked back at Lin, that expression still so deeply written in his face that it made me feel bad.

I sighed, looking away as we left the room.

I've had enough of the theatre today to last me a lifetime. I was ready to go home. I was ready to stay home, and I'm glad Vanessa was taking me there.

The uneasy feeling in my stomach wouldn't go away, Lin's pained expression stuck in my head.

But his angered expression from earlier was still stuck in my head too, the way he came into the girls' dressing room, carrying a stack of papers and looking unbelievably stressed because of a big problem that I had created.

Maybe the pained expression was a facade, I haven't decided yet.

But the angry one was real. And you can't just push anger down, it's gonna come out eventually.

And I'm not ready for the day that it does.

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hi. i'm in pain.
my uterus is not having it lmfao. tmi but i'm very much hurting and i wrote this chapter through the cramps, so enjoy the product of my pain 😌💔
anyways :) thank you for reading!
<3