Malpractice Makes Perfect

Chapter 15

          Okay, heifer. You're an adult. Days almost over. Power through.

          I spent ten more minutes hiding out back before I stood and went back to work. It wasn't so bad, really. All I needed was an attitude adjustment and the day would just sail by.

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          Okay, I just want to say for the record, that I am a very nice person.

          But fuck all these people out here.

         Fuck that dude in the Toyota riding his brakes. Fuck that guy on the bicycle who wants me to run him over. Fuck that old lady walking across the street. Fuck this Florida traffic. Fuck this Florida rain. Fuck that asshole in that...whatever kind of car that is blasting that shitty rap music that's making my windows shake. Fuck this shitty radio station that plays nothing but EDM like I'm in a goddamn club—I'm not! I'm in a car! Where's the easy listening? Where's the classics? Just that Bum, Bum, Ba, Bum over and over.

          Just go ahead and fuck everybody on this planet as a matter of fact. Has there ever been a worse animal than humans?

          I think the fuck not.

        And deep down I know this terrible traffic is only exacerbating an already lousy day, but I don't even care! The day was awful, I was tired and hungry, and the pounding in my right temple was growing worse by the second. I just want everyone to disappear for a sec so I can breathe. I'd tried to call Manny again, but he was still AWOL. What the hell was he doing? He can't answer one phone call? Just...whatever. I don't really feel like talking to any one anyway.

        As I was sitting and waiting on another red light, since we can't seem to figure out how accelerators work today, I spotted Publix. It wasn't a part of the plan but there was no way I was getting through the rest of the night without alcohol. So, when the light changed I drove through the intersection and pulled into the parking lot. It was busier than I preferred but I didn't care. I stomped through the aisles as careless as a tantruming toddler. Everyone needs to stay out of my way tonight! And I know I have resting nice face, but no old people better start conversations with me about the good old days or call me miss or young lady or say I remind them of their granddaughters or whatnot. If they do, I'll...still be perfectly polite, but I'll be scowling on the inside damn it!

          I went through the aisles throwing Takis, Honey Buns, and reduced-price wine into my handbasket with no regard for sugar, salt, or calories. I also picked up some honey, sugar, and pink lemonade to mix with my wine since I didn't feel like going to a proper liquor store.

          From the checkout line I fiddled around with the snacks I know are set up here to tempt me while I wait but I considered it anyway. I deserve happiness, right? I deserve a fucking Butterfinger. Even though I know its supermarket aisle placement marketing. I know marketing. I took a couple of classes about it—but shit it's there and I'm angry and craving chocolate.

          As I grabbed that Butterfinger my eyes wandered to the pharmacy. A woman was seated in one of the hard-plastic chairs of their waiting area, her face was a mask of impatience. A pharmacist rounded the corner with a small capped needle in her hands and walked toward the waiting woman.

          Little late for flu season ain't it?

         Or do they give other shots in supermarket pharmacies? Either way, not my business, I guess. I turned my attention back to the most important decision I've ever made. Which pairs better with cheap red wine and Takis—a Snickers bar or a Baby Ruth?