Shot In The Dark [h.s.]

48. In My Head

Los Angeles, California

My imagination's too creative,
they see demons I see angels.

The 2015 American Music Awards
NOVEMBER 22, 2015

Tatiana's POV

"Here's the thing, you're in love with a version of a person that you've created in your head, that you are trying to but cannot fix. Hun, the only thing you can fix, is yourself. I love you, this has gone on way too long. Enough is enough. I'm two blocks away; I'm coming over.."

Jonathan's voice was the last thing I heard on the phone before he abruptly hung up. I still don't move from my spot in the middle of the carpeted floor. The empty wine bottle stays standing upright on the floor next to my body as I remain curled into the fetal position.

"Tatiana, honey? Do you want to try getting up off of the floor? As much as I love you, I don't necessarily want to spend my evening trying to get red wine out of my carpet," Allison's sweet voice rang into the room. She was standing over me now.

I haven't said a word to her since I arrived here at her front gate. I walked in, silent tears streaming down my face, and headed straight to the wine bottle in her alcohol cabinet. She kept asking me what was wrong but I was a walking zombie at that point. I took the bottle to the head and laid it in the middle of her living room.

That was about an hour ago, the bottle is now empty, and I still haven't said a word. Of course, she called Jonathan to try and figure out what the hell was going on with me. 

"Can you at least nod so I know you're not dead?" she huffed picking up the wine bottle that was now empty.

I nodded softly, granting her request. The tears finally stopped flowing a few minutes ago but I still wasn't ready to talk for fear of crying again. 

"I don't know what to do I mean, should I call Harr一" she began to speak but I cut her off.

"NO," I snapped at her, sitting up viciously fast. "I don't....I don't want to see him," I said with a quivering voice.

If I see him again tonight, I can't predict what the outcome would be. One of us would just get hurt by the other even more than we already are. We've caused each other too much damage. We just aren't meant to be. We never were.

48 HOURS EARLIER

"Zayn this track is, shit. I can't even describe it," I shook my head in astonishment as he just finished playing the new song we made together.

His eyes brightened and a lazy smile broke into his face, "you like it yeah? Who knew our voices sounded so nice together."

"I had a feeling it would turn out great. You sing like a fucking angel," I said making him laugh as he swiveled in the nice chair while we sit at the mixing table in the studio.