Regret

Ember Island

Katara the present; age 21, seven years after the war ended

    Zuko and I stood facing the water, his hand on my shoulder. We were on a ferry to Ember Island, one of my favorite places in the fire nation. I glanced around to face my husband who was looking at me with a concerned expression. He frowned.

"Are you sure you don't want to see any doctors, we can get the best of fire nation has to offer-"

"I just want to rest Zuko" I replied. He nodded before turning away to talk to the crew mates.
I stared out in the water.

No one knew what was wrong with me, although I had my own suspicions. My skin was pale and I couldn't keep anything down. I was using my current condition to escape, any chance I had. I couldn't bare to sit through anymore meetings, be followed around by any more guards, I had to get out of my mini hell called the fire nation palace. Zuko was worried about me, so I told him all I needed was a break to feel better. I felt bad taking advantage of his kindness but I felt bad for a lot of things these days. What was one more lie to Zuko, especially since there was some truth to it. Coming to ember island would make me feel better, and I did need a break.

I smiled as I felt the ship come to a halt, and I saw the familiar volcanic beach setting. Carefully stepping down from the ship I made my way to the house. Zuko ran up so he was next to me. He grinned.

"What no water bending slide?" I let out a small smile as I thought back to what he was talking about. He was referencing the time I let my excitement get the best me and I water bended my self out of the ship before we had even landed. I can't believe he remembered that, it was almost five years ago for Aang's birthday in the South Pole. As I remembered the happy memory it was replaced by a new feeling of nausea. I turned away from my husband, feeling sick to my stomach.
"Maybe that's why I feel so sick, maybe it's universe hurting me for what I did."

We walked back into the house in silence, with me trying to stomach the peach I had eaten on the way here. There it was; Fire Lord Ozai's beach house. I stepped inside, this would be our home for a couple of weeks, or at least until I was feeling better.

At dinner Zuko and I just ate a stew around our long dining room table. We made small talk but I didn't last us long. Making conversation had never been Zuko's thing, so unless I thought of a new topic every five minutes it would go silent. I think Zuko actually preferred to eat in silence, which I didn't mind since I was too tired to carry the conversation right now, but normally I appreciate conversation.

Growing up with Sokka, things were never silent, and adding Toph and Aang ensured that meals were a time we came together and enjoyed each other's company. I understand that Zuko was raised by Ozai, and I'm assuming he always ate in silence, maybe he preferred it this way, but I didn't. Sharing a meal together was such an insignificant activity, but it saddened me to think there were so many ways in which Zuko and I could never make the other happy.

I thought about this grim thought as I played with my food. I was just going to puke it anyways, there wasn't a point in trying. We finished our meal pretty early, so it would be a long time until either of us were ready for bed. As I put my dish away I knew exactly where I wanted to go.

As the sun was setting, it grew harder to see, but I knew this path like the back of my hand. I turned at the familiar wild grass, and saw a small entrance to a volcanic cave. I happily made my way over to the little pool, sticking my toes in. It only shined its brilliant blue when the moon was up or when fresh sunlight streamed in, but still the water was warm. I don't know how long I stayed here, but it felt like forever but also like no time had passed. I thought about Zuko. My husband, the firelord. I had so much weighing on my mind but he was by far the biggest.

"I knew you'd be in here." He suddenly said. I turned around to see my husband coming into the cave. I smiled at him.
"This place is pretty special to you, huh?" I nodded feeling myself blush a bit.
"Yeah it is" I replied while running my hands through the water. This place was extremely special to me, and Zuko didn't even know the half of it. It was where Aang and I first had sex.

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