This story is about a girl, Sugar Wilkins who is 17 years old and is super excited to go to senior high school. She has no interest in dating because of her past experience but her intentions change after she meets her new classmate. When he confess...
I opened the door of my house and got in. It felt really warm. I was feeling cold outside or maybe my feelings made me feel that way. I was not sure. But whatever it is, your home is the best place you could ever be in. Doesn't matter if you did a world tour, you always come back to your safe haven, that is your home.
Since I did not spot my dad in the hall room, I went straight upstairs to my room to get changed. Feeling the need of a warm shower, I kept my backpack on the bed and went to the bathroom. I took my phone with me so I played some slow music to help me heal and started the shower. The hot water droplets touched my skin and I felt nice. The slow yet intense music filled my ears so well as if it was the only thing in this world that I needed to cover my ears with, to shut out all the screams and noises. The screams of people in pain, in poverty, the screams of my family who are in agony due to my mother's loss, the screams of my inner voice telling me to over come my fears. These noises were so loud, so I chose music to be my escapade.
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I was so tired today. No, I didn't run a marathon but I was exhausted mentally and emotionally. Emotional pain is more painful than physical pain. I felt like quitting everytime something like this happened. But there was something that kept pushing me, that kept telling me to move ahead because there is so much positive that is to come for me. Maybe it was my mom's angel that motivated me. And this time I didn't want to look at my scars again. What was the point of re-opening these wounds? They only bring pain and despair.
~Flashback from two years back~
It's been two days since mom died. I locked myself up in my room and sat down on the floor leaning my back on the door. My eyes were dry and I felt hopeless. I had a stinging pain in me that wasn't coming out. I did not care about my Dad or Sam right now. I didn't know where they were.
Why did you leave me mother? Was I such a bad kid that you left me and went away? Do you want me to come to you? Wait, I can go to her and then all my pain will end. Yes! I can go. I just need to kill myself. With this thought, I started rummaging around my room, trying to find something to complete my mission. Suddenly my eyes stopped on the empty perfume bottle. I banged it on the floor to break it.
I picked up the sharpest piece of glass and scratched my upper arm. I felt no pain but I could see the crimson fluid oozing out from the cut. Hastily, I started scratching more places on my skin. Still, no pain, no ache. I even reached out to my back to stab at some places. But why was there just blood? Why no pain? No tears? Tired, I finally made up my mind and stabbed the veins of my hand. I started feeling dizzy, "Mom, wait for me, I'm coming to meet you" and I saw black.
I thought I died and so I tried to regain my composure. I felt something soft underneath me. I tried opening my eyes but flinched because the lights were too strong and bright. Is this what heaven feels like? I fully opened my eyes after some time and found that I was laid on my bed with the lights on and an IV tube injected into my arm. "Oh, so I didn't die" and I laughed at myself. So incapable, couldn't even die. I wanted to cry but my tears refused to come so I laughed. A cruel laugh.
I turned off the shower and wrapped the soft towel around my body. I changed into some fresh clothes and got ready to have dinner. After the suicidal incident happened with me, my dad or Sam, nobody talks about it so that I don't start crying again or start feeling depressed. It's for my good, the more I ignore those problems, the more I will try to look on the positive side and on the present.
"Sam, did you cook today? It smells nice."
"Yes Sugar, I cooked today. Go sit down on the chair, I'll serve whenever dad comes."
"There he is, Dad's back."
"Dad, it seems you had a long and hard working day today. You left so early and came back late!"
"Yes, I had an important meeting today but everything proceeded very smoothly and it ended well. Sorry to keep you waiting kids."
"It's okay dad. You get changed, I'm serving the food till then. Sugar will help me set the plates." ordered Samuel.
I took my cue and set three plates and spoons for each one of us. Sam served fresh and hot food on our plates. It smelled delicious. I thanked him for the food and then went upstairs into my room to delve into my thoughts once again.
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I pulled on the blanket, took off my glasses to keep it on the side table and switched off all the lights and the lamp. It was glowing warmly but today I needed some darker hues to sleep peacefully. And which is the darkest color? Black. I checked my phone to see if there was any message. And there was a message from Ashley.
Ashley: Sugar, I won't be coming to school tomorrow as I have to help my mother with some of her errands. I'm so sorry I will not be able to be with you. But Kai will be present tomorrow. So don't feel lonely. I'll meet you the day after tomorrow in school.
Ashley: Goodnight, Sugar :)
Me: Okay Goodnight, Ashley.
So tomorrow I will have to deal with everything alone. Please God, I beg your mercy on me. Please just help me tomorrow.
A/N
Thank you to all my lovely readers who read the book this far. I know it might be feeling a little boring but trust me, now the real story starts. Please stay tuned for the next chapter.
