Cinderella, As Told By The Cursed Lord

Schmalza; A Cinderella Story

Schmalza was a simple lass growing up in a manor on the countryside of a town called poopvill, in London. She lived with her father, the Lord of Buttjuiced. Her mother died when Schmalza was merely a baby, so it has just been Schmalza and her father for years.

One day, Lord Buttjuiced met a woman, a peasant woman, who made his heart flutter like a million butterfly wings. Her name was Kathe Chickenfart. Her hair was a dark brown, contrasting to Schamlza's blonde. Her eyes were deep emerald orbs that sparkled like stars. Kathe was sure to stay stoic and calm as often as possible, not letting anyone know where her mind was. Yet she always seemed to have something on her mind, a plan, a goal, but no one really knew, not even her two daughters.

Nobody dared go near Kathe or her family for quite some time due to rumors about how her late husband passed. A carriage sabotage... smothering his face as he slept... poisoning him... but Lord Buttjuiced saw past the nasty remarks and married her anyway. He didn't believe that a beautiful, charming woman such as herself could dare hurt a fly.

But all good things must come to an end. A year later, Lord Buttjuiced was found dead in the lake by their garden. To make things worse, Schmalza was the one to find him. It was quite sad, really.

After that, things changed. Kathe fired all the staff and help in the house, including Wadsworth, a butler that has worked with the family for years upon years. Kathe then took Schmalza out of classes that any noble lady should take, and began making her work. Schamlza, wanting to appease her stepmother, some of her only family left, reluctantly agreed to the changes. She thought maybe this would put a smile to her stepmother's face, and maybe make her respect Schmalza more.

More years passed, and a ball was to be held. At the palace, no less. Everyone knew what this meant, her majesty was finding her son a bride. The ladies were sure to dress their best, the biggest, fanciest dresses, the most expensive jewelry, the best makeup.
When the invitation arrived at the Buttjuiced household, everyone was thrilled.

Boon and Boob dressed in matching dresses, only parting their hair to different sides to tell them apart.

Kathe had told Schmalza she could attend with them and to wear her best dress.
Finally, for the first time in a long while, Schmalza would feel like a noble again. Excitement filled her and she ran to her room. Kathe's smile seemed off when she had told her she could tag along, but Schmalza was too excited to care, she was too busy thinking which dress to choose.

She threw open her dusting closet and-

Nothing. Not a single article of clothing filled the racks. She stood there, mouth gaped, eyes wide. Where had her dresses gone? Darkness gloomed over her as she heard laughing from outside.

She ran to her window and peered out it. There she saw Boon and Boob dancing around burning clothes, laughing obnoxiously. Kathe stood to the side, smirking. It was one of the only times you saw real, true emotion from that woman, and she was cynical.

Kathe looked up to the window and stared right at Schmalza with her cold, evil eyes. Schmalza opened the window and yelled "What in the devil are you doing?!"

Kathe's smile became more sickening by the second. "We decided to have a fire before the ball. Found these old rags in your room. I didn't think you'd mind." The three snickered at Schmalza's dismay and began making their way to the carriage awaiting them. "Ta ta, Sweet Schmalza!"

Now Schmalza sat in an empty bath, sobbing into her knees. There was no escaping this life anymore. All her dreams were gone. Just as she thought there was no hope for her, a small centipede crawled out of the drain.

"Aye, bitch"

Schmalza's tears halted at the sudden talking. Bitch? What in bloody hell did bitch mean? Her eyes found their way to the centipede, "Who are you and how are you speaking to me?!" She asked, backing against the tub more than already.

As he climbed the side of the tub he explained, "I'm Centipeter, from Centipede heaven, yadda yadda, I cause mishap where I go, yadda yadda yadda, heard you got a problem."

Confused, and a bit disgusted, Schmalza just stared at the Centipede. "Uh... Yes?"

"Yo what's the matter?"

Schmalza was sure she was going insane. "It's just... I'm talking to a centipede? Uh..."

"Damn right." A huge puff of smoke filled the air, causing Schmalza to cough. Now, a human, or well, half human, half centipede, stood outside the tub, looking at Schmalza. She narrowed her eyes at the human-bug thing, still quite confused from the situation. "Ok so, I'm here to grant any one wish you got."

"A wish?"

"Am I speaking Spanish or somethin'? Yes, a wish. Try to keep up."

"I could have anything I wanted?"

"That's pretty much how it works."

She had an idea already in mind, "I would like-"

He put a hand up, signaling to stop "Don't hit me with that true love, Prince Charming shit."

Schmalza gasped, "Well what else is a woman supposed to wish for? Money? Gold? Absurd."

"Just choose something before I go back into that drain." He nods his head towards where he came from. Schmalza sighs at this. She didn't truly have a wish, but if she could marry, she could get out of this place. She rubbed her temples, trying to think of anything.

Her arms draped, "I don't know."

"Well I'm not allowed to leave until I grant a wish or something, I dunno, I barely payed attention."

Schmalza furrowed her eyebrows, thinking hard. She wanted to get revenge on her stepfamily, she knew it was unladylike, but she didn't care anymore. She wanted Kathe, boon, Boob, and anyone who didn't dare help her to suffer. Almost every noble had seen the way she was treat but had done nothing. Suddenly, Schmalza knew what her wish was. Centipeter could only think one thing while having the wish whispered to him "This woman after my heart or what?"

And so, it began.

The ball was going splendidly, people danced, ate, and some seemed to be catching the attention of the prince. But once more, all good things must come to an end. Centipedes began crawling from everywhere. Every nook and cranny, each loose floorboard, and even the ceiling. They attacked the nobles, the servants, everyone. That's when the doors busted open with a gust of cold wind, revealing Schmalza, and an army of centipedes. There was no escape.

She walked straight to the Queen, snapped her fingers, and the Centipede's made sure her majesty couldn't move. "I can stop the attack..." Schmalza grinned, "You just have to crown me as the new queen."

Hopeless, the queen gave her title up, and crowned Schmalza as the new Queen. And the centipede's dispersed as quickly as they appeared. Centipeter crawled off of Schmalza's foot and turned into his human.

"Congrats! Your wish came true."

The blonde took the half centipede's hands "It was all thanks to you, Centipeter. I am truly grateful." She plants a gentle kiss on his cheek. Centipeter had never been kissed before, and it felt lovely. His heart felt different when he looked at Schmalza. Could this have been the beginning's of love?

Only a day later, word is out of the new queen, as she steps out on the highest balcony and speaks to her people. She sentences Boon and Boob to be maids working in the palace, while Kathe was sent to sleep with the fishes. Schmalza would now have a wondrous life as Queen, with loyal subjects, and her new found love.

The end.