Hope And Faith ✓

4. Faith

"I just want to be normal," I muttered lowly under my breath, I was unsure if Chase had heard me. "I don't want nightmares, or have to see therapists or scheduled appointments with psychologists." I sighed sadly. "I don't want to have to take antidepressants anymore." I tore my eyes away from the window to look at Chase. He looked upset like it was the first time he was hearing it from my point of view.

"I suck at this," he said loud enough for me to hear. "If Hugo was here he would have said something to help you, if Aiden was here he would have made this less depressing." He shook his head looking sad, just like I did. "You're my sister, Faith. And honestly, I don't know how to help you or make you happy. I guessed therapy would help you, I'm doing a shitty at that." I bit my lips as I stared at him.

Some things couldn't be changed. My hatred for myself? It couldn't. Me getting better? Never. Therapy was something I only agreed to because it lessened the burden I faced every day, I just needed something I could use to get everything off my mind. That was therapy for me. At least, the basic concept I had of it

I let Chase's words die down because honestly, I didn't have a response. How was I supposed to reply to him? Was I supposed to tell him everything was going to be okay? Or that tough times only last for a while?

That'll just be me lying to him.

"Besides, it's just one hour a day for five days. Maybe this can help you." I nodded my head, maybe.

••

I walked into Doctor Sam's office. It had that home theme that made you feel comfortable once you stepped in. The walls were painted a soothing colour of dusty blue but unlike I had originally imagined it reminded me of a living room.

Her assistant, Gloria had brought me in. "Doctor Sam, she's here," the doctor in question looked up from the files she was staring at, then put them away and smiled at me.

"Thank you, Gloria," Gloria nodded and exited the room. Leaving just the both of us. I sucked a breath in as she stretched her hand out.

It's natural, Faith. This is what normal people do.

I tried to tell myself over and over again as I stared at her hand. Suddenly her hand dropped and her smile widened.

"You're Faith Jennings I assume?" I nodded. "My name is Doctor Samantha Grey but just call me Sam." I nodded again as she walked me to the leather white couch. I sat down slowly and she sat down across from me on another couch.

She was giving me space.

"So how are you, Faith?" Sam asked me looking extremely comfortable on her spot across me.

For a second I wondered if I should be honest. It would have been so easy to lie and say 'I was fine' but I didn't want that. If I was going to be spending an hour of my life here I was going to use that hour wisely.

"I don't know," I answered honestly.

Sam raised an eyebrow. "Can you elaborate on that?" I sighed and looked around her office.

"I don't know what I feel right now. I'm not happy, I'm not depressed and I'm not sad." I paused. "I'm not even in a mood, which is quite a relief," Sam nodded and I saw her tuck a loose strand of her black hair behind her ear.