⚠︎︎TRIGGER WARNING⚠︎︎ ⚠︎︎Nightmare: domestic violence Body image issues, depiction of depression and the inner thoughts of a self-harm addict⚠︎︎ ☁︎︎
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☁︎︎ September 2009
"So, what did you get?" Spencer asked as you walked back into the apartment from shopping with the girls.
"Clothes." you replied throwing the bags down on the couch. "I forgot how much I hate shopping"
"Why?" Spencer questioned
"Because, I don't know my sizes, because every shop is different, so I have to try everything on, which means standing in a small room, surrounded by mirrors, and deciding what I like on myself. Which for refence, is nothing." You rambled.
"Oh... Well, if my opinion matters at all, I think you look pretty in everything you wear" Spencer smiled sweetly.
"Thanks" you sighed fiddling with the loose thread hanging off your sleeve.
"Is that why you covered the bathroom mirror this morning?" Spencer asked curiously.
"Shit, sorry I was meant to take it off, but I forgot" you apologised profusely, for your slip up, even thought it wasn't a big deal. Growing up with abusers, had taught you that no matter how small the slip up, a mistake is a mistake, and you needed to be punished for it.
"Y/n it's ok" Spencer chuckled. "It wasn't exactly hard to pull the towel off the mirror."
"Yeah but it was inconvenient and this is your apartment and-" you continued.
"Y/n look at me" Spencer interrupted. "I'm not mad, it wasn't inconvenient, and this is your apartment too."
"But-"
"I'm not mad" Spencer whispered gently. "I'm really not mad"
"Sorry" you murmured slowly lowering yourself onto the couch.
"It's ok" Spencer smiled gently.
"Sorry... I just feel like every time, I screw up, you'll get mad... And you'll lash out... I was the same with Taylor, but at first, he never lashed out... Then he did, and he said it would never happen again, but it did, and he apologized again and promised it was a moment of madness..." You began.
"Then after a while, he just stopped apologizing... There was no point, he was never gonna stop, he never planned on stopping... He was only apologizing at the start to keep me with him... He never meant the apologies."
"You didn't deserve that Y/n" Spencer whispered sitting down next to you. "I can't explain to you how much I want you to believe me... But you really didn't deserve that."
