Amrita

Always Will

“Everything will be okay,” he says, taking my hand in his. “I love you, Teerapat.“

******

“What happened to your hand?”

I look down at my freshly bandaged palm, and do my best to think on my feet. I wasn’t about to let him know that his presence affected me so much that I hurt myself with my own fingernails.  

“Scratched it from the railings on the bridge. It’ll heal in a couple of minutes, you know that,” I answer, in the most emotionless voice I could muster. “So what is it? The clock’s ticking.”

“I just want to know how you are. You’re not really going to hold me to that ten minute deadline, are you?”

“Nine minutes left,” I say, lifting up my wristwatch closer to my face. 

“Right, well,” Phawin says, clearing his throat nervously. “Do you still remember that day, when we drank from that vial?”

“You mean the water that you tricked me into drinking? Yes. I remember. I remember the unbearable pain that coursed through me, the way my body changed, the way I scared away everyone I ever loved, how ever since then I’ve lived this cursed life... Sure, I remember.”

A nervous sigh escapes Phawin’s lips. At least I let him know where I stood. He may have come here to appease my anger, but I had no intentions of going easy on him at all… Not after everything I’ve lost because of him. 

“I guess I deserve that,” he says, his head drooping low. “But don’t forget that I experienced all that, too.”

“I had nothing to do with that; you did that on your own,” I snapped back. 

“I never said that you had any part in it. After all these years, can’t you see how sorry I am? Will you ever forgive me?”

“I don’t want to argue,” I say, biting the side of my cheek just to hold my temper. “Just say what you came to say.”

“Come with me,” he says. 

“Why would I do that? I would rather--”

“I know,” he interrupts. “You would rather do anything, be anywhere, be with anyone else than be with me. I get it, but I think it would be in your best interest to come with me. I finally know where the water came from.”

“Why should I trust you?”

“Because I’m the only one you have left.”

I wasn’t prepared for how much those words stung me, because it was true. Everyone from that life we once had was now gone. He was my only connection to that life, and to the person that I used to be. 

I stare into his starry eyes, and he stares into mine. I had forgotten how it felt to have someone look at me and not flinch at a certain point. He really was the only one who could take me exactly as I was, and it angered me to discover that things between us haven’t changed. 

“Haven’t you missed me at all?” He asks, sliding closer to me. “Every day we spent apart has destroyed me.”

“For someone who said he wanted to talk, you don’t say much,” I say, pushing him away with all my might. “Just tell me what it is and what to do. I’m sure I can do everything else on my own.”

“I won’t let you,” he says. “It’s too dangerous.”

“I’m not that little boy you used to dote after,” I replied, the anger rising up in my throat. How could he waltz in here after all these years and act like nothing happened? “In case you haven’t noticed, I’ve lived a century without you!”

“How’s that going for you?” He asks, mockingly. “You can act tough all you want, Teerapat, but I can see the loneliness in your eyes.”

“Get the fuck out of my house.”

“We actually have a chance to make things right,” he pleads. “Aren’t you tired of living this way? Please come with me.”

“If you’re not going to tell me what you know, I can find that out for myself. I don’t need you,” I say, standing up to open the door. 

As I start to walk away, I feel his hand grasping mine, pulling me closer to him. Before I even realized it, I was in his arms. He held me so close to him that I could feel his heart beating against my own chest. I struggled as best as I could, but he locked me in such a tight embrace. 

I hated the way he whispered affirmations into my ear, of everything I’ve always wanted to hear him say. I hated the way my body automatically melted into his. I hated that being in his arms comforted me in the way only he could. I hated that after all these years of believing I did, maybe I didn’t really hate him. 

“Let me go,” I say, tears falling down my cheeks. “I told you to leave me alone, I told you not to find me. Couldn’t you have kept your promise? Let me go!”

“I tried,” he whispers. “I really tried, but I couldn’t stay away forever.”

It could have been that all my energy was spent from everything I did that day, or that what he said finally broke through my cold heart. But for some reason I stopped fighting. I let him hold me, and I sobbed a hundred years of hurt into his chest. I could feel wetness on the back of my neck, and it told me that he was crying with me, too. 

He lifts my face up and does his best to wipe the tears from my eyes. For a second, I did become that boy he once doted over. Looking into his eyes brought me back to that time of innocence and happiness. 

“I still love you, Teerayu,” he says, placing soft kisses on the trail of tears on my cheeks. “I always have and always will...”