Golden | H.S.

Chapter 23

I nod and move forward to hug him tightly.

We'll be alright.

†

I'm two months into touring and I really underestimated how thrilling it would be. People chanting your name, waiting for hours just to see you, singing your songs, traveling across the world to see you. It was exhilarating.

I hadn't seen Harry a single time in person. I was on the other side of the world and he was busy writing. It was fine, though. We texted and called and wrote. He sent me a letter on my birthday. It just wasn't the same. But I loved him, and I was going to go through whatever was necessary.

I just finished up a show in Berlin and I called Harry. He didn't answer. Again.

But it was fine.

I left him a voicemail telling him to call me and pushed any nervous thoughts out of my mind. I went to my hotel room and took a shower. When I got out, I saw a text from Harry and my heart leapt out of my chest. I unlocked it quickly, feeling my heart sink when I read the message.

Hey, sorry I missed your call. Super busy, babe, I'll call you soon.

I swallowed the lump in my throat. He was just busy.

It was fine.

†

Another two months passed of the same thing. Me traveling all around the world, living my dream, waking up to texts from Harry apologizing for not being able to answer or waking up to missed calls from him because he called when I was asleep. I've talked to him maybe 10 times in 4 months. And the letters have stopped coming.

Even at home, I'm sure we'd have days like this. We're just a little out of sync.

It was fine.

It wasn't fine.

I can't do this. I called him again.

"Hello?"

I shot up from the bed. "Harry?"

"Hi, baby. Sorry I missed your call last night. How was the show? Amsterdam, right?"

That's it? No I miss you or anything like that?

"Um, it was awesome. One of the best so far. But I'm in Paris."

"Oh, right. Paris, sorry. Well, what's up?" He asks nonchalantly. As if he hasn't been away from me for almost 5 months.

My eyes water and my chest tightens, "Harry, I can't do this anymore. We barely speak to each other and when we do, it's like we're old friends catching up after not seeing each other for years. That's not us."

He doesn't speak for a moment and then I hear him sigh sadly, "I know." And my tears fall. "I didn't want to admit it, but we can't keep pretending." He pauses. "I'm sorry."

"It's okay, sunshine. We jus-"

"No, it's not okay, honeybee," He interrupts me. "We always pride ourselves on telling the truth. And we haven't been doing that. We're always honest with each other and we need to do that now."

I nod to myself, "I know."

"I miss you." And I hear him sniffle.

"I miss you so much." I feel a tear stream down my cheek. "I think maybe we just need to...press pause."

He doesn't speak.

"Harry?"

He sniffles again, "Pause. Right. Yeah, that sounds like it makes sense. You're liking tour, yeah?"