Rock Is Dead - Tributes To Late Musicians

October 2020 Update (Start Here!)

I wrote part one of this book, "My letter to Kurt" a long time ago - August 2015, to be exact.  I cringe when reading it now - partially due to how poorly written it is, and partially due to how much I've grown as a person since writing it. However, I've decided to keep it online in case people still want to read it, and because I think it provides a fantastic insight into what I used to be like and just how much music has shaped who I am today. I'm currently working on a new chapter (the longest one so far, by a huge amount) which goes into detail about struggles throughout my life and how music has helped me through it (I think it helps put the earlier chapters into context), as well as discussing the recent death of one of my other music idols and the impact that it's had.

This book started in 2015. I was a 13 year old with an incredible amount to learn, having only recently discovered the world of rock music, and only a fan of a small list of bands. Kurt Cobain was my idol based on what he stood for; what type of people his music represented. I felt a connection to him based on my own personal struggles, as I'd grown up with the overwhelming feeling that I didn't belong (due to being autistic), was bullied throughout school and had recently begun questioning my sexuality. Little did I know that there was a whole of music out there waiting for me to discover it, and that I'd later form that same sense of connection with other musicians too. I still consider myself a Nirvana fan and I'm still incredibly grateful for the impact Kurt had on me and on the music industry as a whole, but I'd like to think that I'm a more developed person now. My music taste is a lot broader; my view of musicians far less black and white. If you read my first update (titled "Update - 2 years later") it's clear that I felt this way even as early as 2017.

Chris Cornell had an impact on me in a similar way to Kurt Cobain. My mental health spiralled out of control at the start of 2016, and it reached the point where I barely had the will to live. It went on for over a year and to this day I still haven't fully recovered from it. I was a huge fan of Soundgarden at the time, and as such, Chris Cornell's death couldn't have come at a worse time in my life. His death was the moment I realised that what I wrote in 2015 about how "it would've been far worse for me if I'd actually been alive to experience it" turned out to be completely right. Losing one of my idols, someone who I felt such an intense connection towards despite never knowing them, broke my heart more than I could ever have imagined. In April 2019 my depression relapsed and I reached the lowest point possible. My emotional recovery took months and there was one artist in particular who really helped me through it. He died three weeks ago (as of me writing this), and when I heard the news my heart tore apart. It felt exactly like the Chris Cornell situation all over again. The new chapter I'm working on explains all of this in more detail.

So, if I had to summarise this book, I'd describe it as a series of open letters which document my personal growth over a number of years, particularly as a music fan, and the impact that certain musicians have had on me.