Golden | H.S.

Chapter 19

She sighs. "I always will, D. And thank you. Wish you were here. See ya."

I wanted to cry. I wanted to scream. I wanted to punch something. But I wasn't going to let myself. So, instead I grabbed my journal and wrote the first thing that popped in my head.

"Don't know where you're laying, just know it's not with me. Don't know what I'd tell you if I passed you on the street."

Fuck, my eyes are watering.

"I don't want your sympathy, but you don't know what you do to me, Ilanna! Every time I see your face, there's only so much I can take, Ilanna!"

I stop singing and scratch out what I wrote. Yeah, I definitely cannot send that in.

I spend a little more time on it and end up changing the name to Anna. It might still be a bit obvious, but I really didn't care.

Days turned to weeks and weeks turned to months and soon it became December. I had traveled and explored everywhere I had ever dreamed of going and more. Christmas was soon so I had something to look forward to. It was still hard to deal with, but I made sure to keep my head held high. I'd been working with other artists that I had always admired and I was going to go on tour soon. Everything was fine.

But that was the problem. I was living my dreams out. It should be better than fine. So, I made myself forget about the H word and focused on me.

Sarah had been telling me about every tour stop they made. Sometimes I came across videos of him performing, nails always painted yellow with black smiley faces, and it made everything hurt all over again. And then sometimes I came across video of him with her and I had to push him out of my mind.

I didn't let it affect my work negatively. If anything, it made me work harder. I was writing more, a lot more, and Jeff was concerned but he was proud of me.

I wasn't going to let the old me take over again. It's not what my parents would've wanted.

So, right now, I was in the studio recording a song I'd written months ago. When it had hurt the most.

!PLAY THE SONG NOW!

I got close to the microphone and started when Thomas told me to.

"You walk into the room, I go quiet. I catch your eyes and don't blink an eyelid. Feels like the world locked us on an island, an island without waves. I try and try to forget you, but your mother thinks I'm the best for you. Try and try to erase you, but you won't disappear."

I take a deep breath. He's everywhere.

"Feels like every time I turn a corner, you're standing right there, over my shoulder, you're everywhere. I swear it's hard to think, it's hard to breathe when you're in the air. I try to run, but you're everywhere I go. When I think I'm all alone and my heart's under control. Why is loving you not fair? You're everywhere."

I finish the rest of the song and receive applause from Jeff and Thomas. I was really proud of that song. It was one of my favorites I'd written.

It's funny how artistic we become when our hearts are broken.

Jeff didn't need me for anything until next year to talk about tour and I'd turned in plenty of songs, so I had nothing to do for a couple of months.

I decided I was going to go back to Miami for a bit. Seeing my family was just what I needed right now. I went straight home and booked a flight for two days from now and let my grandma know I was coming. I didn't know when I was coming back, but I needed to get out of here.