Still In The Dark | BILLIE EILISH

part 20

(Billie's Pov)

I woke up to the sound of beeping. I groaned as I knew exactly where I was. I had wires attached to my arm letting liquid into my body. Fuck i'm stupid. I need to get out. I ripped the wires out of my arm and hopped off the bed stumbling into the door a little. It was pitch black outside so i'm guessing it was either late or early in the morning.

I saw my mum, dad, finneas and trig sitting down in the waiting seats, luckily they didn't see me because I can't be asked right now. I headed towards the elevator and pressed the highest floor. I don't know why but a few minutes later after hiding from doctors I found myself on the roof as rain poured onto me.

I just lay there on the roof staring at the night sky, a few stars scattered about twinkling at me. I sensed someone standing there by the door and sure enough it was Trig. How the fuck did she find me.

"if you're here to tell me to go back down, you're wasting your time" i sighed

Trig hummed in response and walked over to lay beside me

"so what are we staring at again" she asked breaking a smile

"the stars"

"there's literally one star because of the light pollution" she laughed "they're um all looking for you y'know"

"how did you find me"

"gut feeling"

"that's cute" i smiled

"i thought you died" Trig whimpered

"i'm sorry.."

"why did you do it"

"addict things init" i gave a small laugh "i dont know.. they make me numb and if i don't have them i hurt because-"

"because of me" Trig sighed and I frowned "it's okay you can say it"

"fell into a dark place trig, and then when i found out you were alive, it got worse and the drugs-"

"are an escape" she cut me off turning onto her side to face me "the moment you take one and the effects hit you, the living nightmares, the anxiety, the stress, all the problems are gone.. feelings that you didn't want, you no longer have to feel... but Billie, you abuse it way too much so now you think you can't live without them and you become so tired with yourself and you freak out when you feel anything, because you're so used to being numb and blank... and I can't see you like this another day i'm going to help you okay? i did this too you and i'm going to fix it" she cried

"i really don't want to be like this anymore trig, but i also don't want to feel the pain" i cried

"hey shhh.. one step at a time remember? one step" she let her hand find mine and i let them lace together

The rain was heavy on us and even though it was freezing, I felt warm being with Trig. We both slowly started to lean in as the tension was too much

"there you are" cried out my mum making us both quickly pull away from eachother

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once again i'm cruel :)

i'm in an online lesson right now and i'm doing anything but the work, love that for me