If This Is Growing Up

It Started With A Drink

Monday

I think I'm unhappy.

Yesterday, I got drunk. It was my first time. I went to a bar slightly off campus called Dazzle with my friend Charlie, or at least I thought he was my friend at the time. I ended up getting really drunk and he was barley tipsy. He kissed me and I remember kissing him back. Why did I do that? He has a girlfriend and she’s really sweet. Her name is Star and she’s the most adorable 18-year-old I’ve ever seen in my life.

Charlie kissed me and I kissed him back. I don’t know if I kissed him because I was drunk or if I just felt like I had to kiss him. I know I don’t like him romantically so why did I kiss him back? I was so drunk I couldn’t even walk properly so Charlie ended up carrying me back to his hostel. I remember him placing me on his bed. I remember his roommate, Vincent standing outside the door with a couple of other guys. I remember Charlie going outside and telling the guys that I wouldn’t stop I asking for more drinks. Liar. I remember, but Charlie doesn’t know this.

The next morning Charlie walked me back to my room, on the way I talked and laughed like everything was okay. However, I did ask what happened last night just to see what he would say and all I got was “you got wasted dude!” and a pat on the back before he started dying of laughter. As I watched him laugh, with a fake smile plastered on my face, the only thought in my mind was “I don’t want to be your friend Charlie.” 

When I got back to my room this morning, the first I did was text a bunch of exclamation marks to Charlie and I's mutual friend  Tess. She replied immediately. I told her last nights events. She was shocked, obviously. But she also told me that I was right to act like I didn’t remember anything that happened. I don't think that's what i wanted to hear.

After my conversation with Tess, I texted some of my best friends in a group chat that we have. I told them a little more than I told Tess, needless to say; they were pissed. Each of them taking turns to cuss out Charlie. 

My closest friend out of all them is Natalia. With her loud, unapologetic and carefree character we became quick friends in the third grade. We know each other inside and out. And that's why I wasn't surprised when she immediately told me to confront Charlie.

“I don’t want to do that Nat… lets just forget about it.”

“Temwa be real, you’re not going to forget about it just like that. Either you talk to this guy or I will,” Natalia screamed through the phone, getting riled up as usual.

“Natalia is right Temwa,” said Chisomo, another one of my friends. “ Look at it this way. He basically orchestrated this whole thing. He’s the one who suggested drinks. He gave you bottle after bottle, and even though you both had the same amount it was your first time drinking!” 

“Chisomo, look " I started, before being cut off by her.

“Tam, I can’t get over the fact that he premediated all of this. He had to have come to terms with his feelings for you, acknowledged that he was has a girlfriend, then set the wheels in motion with drinks."

Natalia sighed, “guys are so messed up, I can’t imagine doing that to someone. You don't deserve this Temwa and you have to let him know.”

Well that's the thing... What if I did deserve it?