So Josh and I went out, we had a good time and at the end of the night he went in for a kiss.
“Um, maybe it’s best if we stayed friends.” I had to say it and I promised Wil I wouldn’t do anything.
“Yeah, friends.” He said with a smile. At least I didn’t piss him off easily.
I went back to Wil’s place and barely took a step in the door when he started bombarding me with questions.
“Did you fuck him?”
“Yeah, it’s ten o’clock at night, we fucked like three times and I’m back now no big deal.”
“Just answer the question.”
“For fucks sake no I didn’t, I didn’t do anything at all, he was a very good boy and kept his hands to himself. Anything else you need to know, dad?”
“Just want to make sure he was a gentlemen.”
“More like I was a lady, right? I don’t fuck everything that walks Wil, you think so low of me, is it because you’re rich and famous now and too good for people like me?”
“I’m not dealing with this. I’m going to bed.” It was only ten o’clock he wasn’t going to bed, he was too mad at me to even be around me. Why did I always have to be a sarcastic bitch around him?
I didn’t really know what to do so I made some tea and built up the courage to go apologize. It took me thirty minutes to collect my thoughts, apologizing wasn’t one of my fortes. I knocked on the door and he opened it, just standing there in his sweatpants, kind of like he was this morning, this had to be premeditated he knew how good he looked.
“Hey, can I, uh, come in?” and he swung the door open allowing me to enter his room. Now I seriously needed to find a way to get talented so I could afford all this useless shit he had.
“What do you want Lyla? Or are you just here to make me feel like a dumbass?”
I sat in the middle of his bed.
“Look, I’m sorry.” I took a breath and looked into his eyes as he joined me. “You don’t deserve being treated like shit, especially from me. I don’t know why you’ve put up with me all those years and I don’t know why you’re still doing it now, but thank you. Thank you for everything Wil. Everything.”
“Lyla-”
“No Wil just let me finish. I don’t think I’d even be alive if it weren’t for you and god I just wish I knew how to be better to you. To be more deserving of you because you deserve the world and more and I just wish I knew how to be better.”
I felt like I was repeating myself because it was the same things running through my mind since the beginning of our friendship. That I didn’t deserve to be his friend let alone anything more, intimate, and he deserved everything given to him and more.
He sat there waiting to finish or continue or kiss him or something. He was waiting for something.
“Wil, I still have the nightmares.” He looked at me shocked.
“Why?”
“I-” I knew exactly why, because he wasn’t there to wake me up. To tell me everything was okay like he was when it happened the night of my fifteenth birthday. The night I was raped by one of my mom’s ‘friends’, Jeremy. Me and Wil were going to sneak out that night and drink beer because we thought we were bad ass and right before I left, Jeremy walked in. Claiming my mom didn’t have enough money for her drugs, so he’d take the next best thing. It was the worst night of my life. Wil came a second too late, Jeremy had already left. He held me throughout the night as I soaked his tshirt in tears and woke up screaming, he would tell me that everything was going to be okay and he wouldn’t let anybody else hurt me ever again. I guess another promise we couldn’t keep with each other.
“Because I need you.” I said it, I finally said it.
And then he kissed me. It wasn’t a hungry kiss like we were going to devour each other or a passionate kiss that turned into hot steamy sex.
It was a sweet, gentle kiss that made me feel like I was floating on clouds.
He pulled away slightly and we looked at each other trying to read what the other one was saying, but both only read one word more.
