Imagine [UNEDITED, ON HOLD]

Chapter 9: Niall

Message to: Louis Tom
oh shit sorry
yeah , be in the studio
in 20 tell everyone
I'm hurrying !

I gently disengaged myself from Jade, and pressed a soft kiss to her forehead. Knowing her, she wouldn't ever let me do this sober or awake.
I tiptoed to her bathroom and pulled a couple of tablets from the cabinet for her headache. Filling a glass of water, I scribbled a quick note onto a paper slip and left all three items on the table near her bed.
I looked at her sleeping face, so young, so gentle, so unlike the broken girl I knew.
Then I pulled my shoes on and scrambled out of the flat and into my car, navigating myself to the recording studio.
I ran in, tugging my jacket on as I went. I pushed my way into the room and shaking off a disapproving glare from one of our producers.
I stepped into the booth and pulled on my headphones can switching on the mic. "What're we recording today, boys?" I asked them.
"Amnesia."
Holy shit. I was so not prepared for that. Not after seeing Jade last night. I nodded "Cool." Not. Fucking. Cool.
I listened to the guitar picking I'd recorded a couple weeks earlier, and waited. The process for our songs were we all recorded the entire song. And based off how well each voice suited the solos, we used that certain track.
I started singing, keeping my breathing as level as I could as the memories that had been filled with me when I'd written the song.
"I drove by all the places you used to hang out getting wasted. I thought about your last words how I saw the way you faced it. And even though your friends told me you were just fine."
I did visit. Not Jade, but South Shields. I took my car around all the houses and little secret cavities where she drank with her friends. And deep in all that, I still saw her broken face, even as a ten-year-old. I knew it was my fault.
"Are you somewhere feeling lonely even though he's right beside you? When he says those words that hurt you, do you read the ones I wrote you?"
I knew she had a boyfriend. That prick Sam Craske. To be fair, I figured he was okay. I just automatically hated him because he was Jade's boyfriend. God, I feel like a mix between her protective older brother and the guy who's had a crush on her for years. It's a revolting mix I don't like to think about.
"Sometimes I start to wonder, was it just a lie? If what we had was real, how could you be fine? 'Cos I'm not fine at all."
Here's where I was wrong. I assumed she'd moved on. But her actions had shown that she hadn't. And for some sick, twisted reason, that made me happy. I needed her to need me. And that was that.
"I remember the day you told me you were leaving. And I remember the tears running down your face. And the dreams I left behind, you still need them. Like every single wish we ever made."
She'd spent hours and hours telling me a million different ways she'd achieve her dream. When I left, she'd given up for a long time. If left her behind, so she left her life goal behind. There's nothing that I regret more than being responsible for that, and hell, I have a whole lot of shit that revolves around Jade that I know, deep down inside that I'm responsible for.
"I wish that I could wake up with amnesia. And forget about the stupid little things. Like the way it felt to fall asleep next to you. And the memories I never can escape. 'Cos I'm not fine at all."
I do. Sometimes I do wish I had never been Jade's guardian angel. How is that even possible? For a fake person to care about a real one so deeply? I know that she was right; I wasn't real. And yet we were the closest any friends could be.
"The pictures your friends sent me, they're still living in my phone. I'll admit I like to see them, I'll admit I feel alone. And all my friends keep asking why I'm not around. It hurts to know you're happy, yeah, it hurts that you moved on. It's hard to hear your name when I haven't seen you in so long."
It had been years since our encounter with me running into Jade on her night of winning the X-Factor, and it had been a long time since she was convinced on ignoring me. We sort of became...friends? Not really. But still, Perrie and Leigh-Anne gave me updates and things. And I guess I thought she looked happy, happy with Sam and with the girls. But not with me.
"If today you woke up with me right beside you. Like all of this was just some twisted dream. I'd hold you closer than I ever did before. And you'd never slip away. And you'd never hear me say..."
But I did. I woke up next to her again. So what now?
I finished singing the chorus again, and sat in the booth for a long time, my head in my hands. Then I stepped out.
"Damn, Niall," one of the producers said. "We would rather just have you sing the whole song, but since we can't so that, take your pick of a second solo, we already plan on you doing the bridge and leading the chorus. Every solo fits you amazingly well."
"So who gets the solos?" I asked, confused.
"Liam and Harry will take whatever solos you don't want, and Zayn will get the last bit at the end," they explained.
"What about Louis?" I hated that they did this. Normally, I'd be jumping at the opportunity for multiple solos...but not if it left Louis out.
"Sorry. This song doesn't really fit him," they said nervously.
"No way. Are you insane? This is the exact kind of song Louis shines in. I'm not singing if he isn't," I said firmly.
They sighed. "Fine. He can have a solo."
"A big one."
"A big one," they repeated.
I smiled. "Sorted."
"Yeah, great, can we run the bridge one more time?" they requested.
And just like always, my thoughts were turned back to Jade. I couldn't escape her, literally.

_______

Yo, I have a new fanfic including all of Little Mix and One Direction. It's called Agents and yeah you should add it, the first chapter will be up soon:)