Why?

Why do people expect so much from me?

Why?

Why I'm supposed to be an ideal girl?
Are my marks the only thing from which they can define me?

Why I can't be just an ordinary girl daydreaming, having fantasies,share my stupid, hilarious and mischievous thoughts to anybody and they just don't judge me?

Why I'm supposed to behave like a grown up person and have to force stop my childish and stupid thoughts to wriggle?

Why I'm supposed to worry about the future when I'm still not able to figure out what I'm doing at present?

Why?

Why people are not loyal to me?
I've always tried to be like an open book in front of them,never lied to them but they just want to pickup those dark and tattered pages of mine to ruin me,to leave me?

Why people become judgemental by just looking at my appearance?

I know I'm not beautiful, I'm not pretty,I'm not a chicken that everyone admires in awe but still....

But still I have a personality too, I have feelings too...maybe more stronger and firm than anyone..

Why no one can just understands me?

They are with me in my happiness but leave me all alone in my despairs...

Why no one just tell me that " No matter what I'm here beside you..." ?

Why?

Why I can't get a shoulder to cry,to sob, to just soak my tears that are breaking me apart?

People say that a hug from your loved ones heals each and every problem..
But why I only get backstabbed everytime?

My mom says that you have many FRIENDS to confide in..but little she knows that many of them just use me!

A smile helps you in hiding your trueself...I easily hid my feelings from her but how can I cheat myself?

Why people get jealous of my success?

They celebrate my failures,
They seem to be happy in my lows!

Yes! I'm afraid of results..

"Awe....you're the topper..you don't have to worry about your results!!"

But they don't know that ,

I'm much more scared by the mere thought of how many of them are gonna break apart from me FOREVER, due to the results!!

Are just the numbers on a sheet of paper the only way to figure out my status..?
Why?

Why they can't be a little more practical ?

Why?

Just need a person to be there with me all time no matter how grave the situation becomes in my life!!

..................................

Ahh... it's just frustrated me letting out my night thoughts...
I think I'll delete it soon once my mind gets clear.
It's 3:50 am and I'm not able to get a sleep.It just feels so empty and lonely inside.

Bye.
17/10/20