How To Save A Life

Chapter 15: Nightmares, what a bitch

Race POV

Naturally the first night in weeks that I don't have Diem curl against me nightmares struck.

I was back at home, not just the old house in Harlem, home home.
Italy.
I watched as two year old me hid in the corner of the room, listening to my uncles fast talking in hushed voices about the business.
"Antonio! Cosa stai facendo qui?" (Antonio! What are you doing in here?) Uncle Celso yelled.
"Volevo solo conoscere l'attività."  (I just wanted to hear about the business)
No one said anything else they just started yelling as I was dragged out of the corner, as they began to hit me the scene dissolved. 

Now I watched as myself, maybe at age 5 or 6 ran frantically diving into the closest, trying to hide as my mother stormed into my room.
"Antonio!"

As my mother began to tear up my room looking for me, suddenly I was in the closest as the door was ripped open. 

"There you are!" She roared.

"Noooo!" I cried as she dragged me from the closest.

"Get over here!"

I wasn't even all the way out of the closest when she started yelling.
"You cannot disrespect the name Giuliano! You must never!"
The slaps came hard and fast.

I had learned two things that day, my mothers maiden name, and why we can't talk about the business.

Suddenly I was at the refuge the first time.
I was eight when I first got sent to the refuge.

"Now git back in there!"
Snyder threw me into one of the rooms.
Someone grabbed me and pulled me to my feet.
"Get offa me!" I shoved them away.
"Ay ay calm down I just tryin ta help." I turned to see a boy my age.
"I don't appreciate the touchin."
He cocked his head confused at somethin.
"I aint seen ya round before, who are youse?"

"Dey call me Racetrack."
He snorted "Racetrack?"

"Yeah Racetrack Higgins what's it to you?"
Even at eleven I had a mouth on me.

"Psst, Racer, commier."
I looked up to see Jack standing at the window.
"What are ya doin?"

"Gettin us outta here. Lower me down."
He opened the window and inched over the sill.

I grabbed his arms and helped to start lowering him to the ground.
"Whats going on in here!"

I turned frantically and say Snyder enter and dropped Jack to the ground.
"Go run!"
"I aint leavin without ya! Jump!"

I shook my head as I was ripped from the window.
"You helping people escape!"

I spit at him.
"You little!"

Suddenly I was in Snyders office begging for him to stop as his belt ate into my back.
"Please! Stop! It wont happen again!"

All of the sudden this too disappeared.

I was on Brooklyn Bridge.
In the distance I could see Diem leaning over the edge.
Getting closer and closer to letting go.

No.
I tried to run to her but I was frozen in place.

I tried to call out to her but my voice was stuck.

Like I was the mute one.

I watched helpess tears falling from my eyes as she let go.

It was then I could move again and I ran to the edge.

I watched as her head went under.

I was standing over her grave now.
"This is your fault."

I turned to see Diem standing there, well not standing, more like floating.
"B...b...but yous dead, I watched you jump."

"I am dead.  You didn't stop me, you could have but you didn't."
"I didnt- you- I-"

I sat bolt upright, breathing heavily.
I looked around for Diem.
It took me a moment to remember.

She aint dead shes just at Katherine's cause of Samson.

I'll be fine.

She aint dead shes just at Katherine's cause of Samson.

I'll be fine.

She aint dead shes just at Katherine's cause of Samson.

I'll be fine.

She aint dead shes just at Katherine's cause of Samson.

I'll be fine.

She aint dead shes just at Katherine's cause of Samson.

I'll be fine.

Who am I kidding?

Diem POV

I woke from my restless sleep to the sound of tapping.
Looking around I saw Race outside the window tapping gently.

Quickly I climbed out of bed, smoothed down the nightgown Katherine had lent me and forced open the window.
'What are you doing, this is a second story window'

"Yeah I know." he sniffed slightly.
It was then I saw tears on his cheeks.
Without thinking I grabbed his arm and pulled him over the sill and into the room.

'What happened'
"It's silly really, I had a nightmare, I shouldn't have bothered you I should be going I'm sorry."
I shook my head.

'Thats not nothing, come here'
I pulled him over onto the bed, wrapping my arms around him.

'What happened'

"I was back in Italy and then in my old house and then in the refuge and then we was on the bridge and an' you jumped but I couldnt stop ya an then you were there, a ghost, an you youse said it was my fault. It... it seemed so real."

'It wasn't real, I'm here, I'm here'
His head rested against my shoulder as he embraced me back.
I rubbed his back soothingly.
God I wish I could talk.
That I could tell him things would be okay, that it was just a dream.
"I thought it was real. I thought I had lost you."
I just hugged him tighter.
"'S n.n.no r..r..r..re." I managed to make a small sound, low crackly and gross sounding.
But it was a sound none the less.
He looked at me excited "Youse.. Youse made a sound! Ya talkin again!" 
His voice raised with his excitement.
'It's not much'
"Its better than nothing!"
Suddenly the door opened and Kathrine jumped through holding an umbrella out in front of her. We both jumped up.
"Oh my god! Race! What the hell?" She whispered screamed. "I thought someone broke in!"
"I'm sorry I-"
"Why the hell are you in here? You couldn't go without seeing her for 12 hours?"
I quickly scribbled something down on the paper and handed it to her.
'He had a nightmare and needed to see if I was okay he hasn't done anything wrong.'
"So he broke into my house to see you?"
I grabbed the page back 'he didn't break in, he climbed up to my window and I let him in'
She sighed.
"Fine, just get him outta here before 6 or we'll all be dead."
The door closed and Katherine was gone again.
"I'm sorry, I'm gonna get ya inta trouble I should leave." He started to back toward the window.
'It isn't your fault you dont have to go yet I can tell your still not okay'
He sighed "Why are youse always right?"
'Cause I am now come here'
His arms found there way around my waist and my hands rested on his shoulders, our foreheads resting gently together.
Slowly we started swaying as if to nonexistent music.
"Your prefect." Race whispered.
'Not as perfect as you' I moved my hands so he could see them as I signed.
He smiled, blushing slightly.
I'm not sure how long we stood there, just looking into each other's eyes.
"I've gotta go now Perla. I love you."
His lips met mine for a moment.
'I love you too'
Then he was gone, back out the window.