Officer of the Dead

Chapter Five

You and Cliff managed to take out a handful of zombies, but there were too many of them. They quickly closed in on you both, leaving you standing back to back, weapons in hand, ready to fight to the death. Suddenly the sound of gunshots drew the horde's attention away from you and Cliff - you glanced over to see a group of people running from the forest and attacking the zombies. A rescue was the last thing you expected! You started slaughtering the zombies that still neared in on you as the group took out the horde that had broken away. You don't know how long it took but finally you looked around and saw that the entire horde had been eliminated, and a softly-spoken voice caught your attention. You didn't really notice her at first, the darkness acting as a cover to her features. She asked if you were okay, but when Cliff didn't respond, you knew instantly something was wrong. You weren't prepared when he told you he had been bitten - you instinctively began removing your belt to help slow the blood loss, wanting to believe there was something you could do to help him, to save him. He knew it was too late and so did you deep down, you just didn't want to admit it. Cliff wasn't just your boss, he was more than that, he was your friend, someone you looked up to. When he asked you to take his life, passing you his shotgun, you couldn't put together a coherent response. You knew he didn't want to turn into a zombie and you didn't want to see him turn either, but you stood frozen, mentally registering what he was asking you to do, almost dissociating yourself from the situation. You were lost in your thoughts when you heard that softly-spoken voice again, bringing you back to reality. She offered to do it for you, which was a huge offer to make considering you'd never met before, and you were moved by the gesture, she must have been watching you as you zoned out, sensing your apprehension, but you had to do it yourself. Cliff asked you, he trusted you to take his life and you weren't going to let him down. You purposely chose not to engage with Cliff, keeping silent; talking would've made it harder than it needed to be. It was something you wanted over with quickly. He gave you a nod before you pulled the trigger, letting you know it was okay. You felt empty and void of emotion as you pulled the trigger, your body jerking backward involuntarily from the force of the shot. You stood silent as you watched Cliff fall to the ground; you'd lost the entire town, citizens you'd spent years protecting were now gone, Mindy too and now Cliff. You were completely alone. You looked towards the softly spoken girl for comfort; you needed someone to tell you it was going to be okay.

She was the last thing you expected to come running into your life, and you were attracted to her the moment you saw her. It was like you had dreamed her into existence the exact moment you needed her. You were transfixed, struck by the confusing mixture of emotions you were experiencing; adrenaline, grief, lust, infatuation, but weirdly comforted by them all at the same time. She felt like familiarity, like you had known her your whole life, despite having never met her before. It was frightening how you fell for her so quickly - you wondered how it had been possible that you'd lived without her all these years, because you sure as hell couldn't imagine being without her now. That's when you decided, you may have failed to save your town, failed to protect Mindy and Cliff, but you wouldn't, you couldn't, let anything happen to her.

So when you heard gunshots the next day during the supply run, your stomach sank. You knew it was y/n, you had given her the gun. You ran out of the grocery store as quickly as you could, slaughtering any zombie that dared crossed your path, ferocious as you went, powered by pure adrenaline as you tried to reach her, panicking that you were already too late. As her eyes flicked open, staring up at you, a flush of relief flooded through you. You rushed to get her out of there, finding refuge in a nearby house, quick to question what had happened, wondering how she had come so close to death, how she had injured herself. When she told you she had tried to get to you, risked her life for you, you felt physically sick. You had only just met her, you didn't want to lose her, you were supposed to be the one protecting her, not the other way around. You made her promise not to do it again, as you set your focus on tending to her injury, taking care of her. It made you feel good, like you were useful.

In a way her injury had proved to be beneficial, it had meant staying at the house together whilst she recovered, meaning you got to know her more. You discovered she was a teacher, which you thought was amusing as your mother had been one, before she passed away that is, long before this apocalypse. It took you back to your childhood, remembering the nickname the other kids would give you, "Ronnie Teachers'son". You shared your interests with her, and communicating with her came easily, it felt effortless, like you just fit together. So when she managed to quote Star Wars, you lost it. Where had she been all your life? It felt like a cruel joke, that you wouldn't find her until now, during a damn zombie apocalypse. At one point you found yourself mere moments away from kissing her, but a noise from outside broke the moment. You cursed yourself - what were you thinking? Even if she had kissed you back, what would it matter? The world was different now, it was unforgiving. What you felt meant nothing, every day could be your last day and you knew that, but there was the smallest part of you rejecting that thought. Almost screaming out, that if everyday had the possibility of being your last, then surely you should embrace it? Allow yourself to fall for her completely, even if logically, it made no sense. For now though, you decided to keep what you felt to yourself - you needed to figure her out first.

By the end of the week, you were no clearer on her feelings. All you knew for sure was that yours had grown stronger, despite your efforts to try and stop it, and it was driving you mad. You kept silent as she drove back to the factory, trying in vain to control your thoughts. You tried to distract yourself by attempting to get the radio to work, not expecting to come across a broadcast.

You listened intently, scribbling down notes, wanting to make sure you didn't miss anything important. The broadcast was more dire then you had expected. It wasn't hearing about the non-existent government or military that shook you, it was hearing that there was no zombie-free paradise. It pulled you from your daydream, making you realise that no matter how badly you wanted y/n, it was never going to be easy. You were always going to be in a state of fear.

When you reunited with the rest of the group at the factory, you knew instantly the damaged fence was bad news; you should've fixed it straight away but got distracted when you discovered y/n had the chance to escape with Steve on the day she almost got herself killed. You had assumed that Steve, being the asshole he was, he had just left her, not that she chose to stay. You felt this unfamiliar mess of emotions build in you. You were angry, frustrated, confused and maybe even a little upset with her as you realised that she had chosen to risk her life for you and then decided not to tell you the truth. You didn't understand her, or why she would do it. You were used to being so calm and collected all the time that all of these emotions were overwhelming. When you heard her trying to explain herself, it only caused you to lash out at her. You regretted it instantly - you knew you messed up as you watched helplessly as she walked away from you.

You moved to go after her instantly but Sarah pulled on your arm, telling you to give her some time. She was the quieter, more reserved of the twins; she didn't pry, like her sister would have. To pass the time you told the group about the broadcast, and they were skeptical. Steve declined to go almost immediately, casting it off as a hoax. The thought had never crossed your mind but if there was the slightest chance things could be different there with y/n, then you were willing to risk it. You had to go and find her now, apologise, the guilt was overwhelming. She was up on the roof when you found her, you approached her slowly, unsure if she wanted to see you. You offered a sheepish "Hey", her reply was short and sharp, and you realised you'd really messed up. Fuck. You tried to explain yourself, you wanted to understand her reasons, you hoped that maybe she had done it because she couldn't live without you too. That idea quickly shutdown the moment she called you "friend". You couldn't look at her, you barely responded - there it was, now you knew how she felt, and it hurt more than you expected.

You didn't have a chance to dwell on the rejection for very long though, as Steve informed you of the horde gaining access to the factory via the damaged fence. All you could do was ask y/n to not do anything stupid - you still wanted to protect her, even if she didn't feel the same way about you. You left her side as you exited the factory, ready to fight, still thinking about the broadcast, about the community. Maybe if you made it there with her, things could be different?