Seventeen year old Ozias Jacobson is the son of retired drug pins Issac and Naomi Jacobson. His father has did everything to keep him away from the streets and in the books. Putting him in the best private schools, making sure he's taking his basket...
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Rejection.
I fucking hate rejection.
Want the short version of how I felt that night? I was on an emotional high. That feeling of having a first crush felt like that moment. Where all you do is smile and think of them. Imagine a life where all your problems weren't there and you were just happy with them. Did I sound stupid that night? Maybe. Maybe it was stupid to admit that I felt that me and Ozias were perfect for eachother. To make a long story short every guy has always wanted the same thing.
Sex. Sex. Sex. Sex and more sex.
Even when I've turned guys down for sex all I ended up with was being left. But with Zy? We had these moments where all we'd do is talk. And talk and talk and talk. He'd be sweet to me, spend the night with me. Literally both of us in the same bed and I could be wearing some tight ass shorts and he'd never make a move or pressure me.
But in the end I realized that Naomi's words did have some truth. Being with someone like Ozias would somehow always end up knocking me down. I can only blame myself in the end though. He full on rejected me and after that I thought the feelings would fade but they didn't. They grew stronger and we started spending even more time around eachother. Maybe I was delusional and convinced myself we'd soon have something going on. That he would see how perfect we are and how I'm always there for him and be with me. Then that whole day happened with Maria and him saying I was embarrassing him and before I knew it the thought of staying away felt easier. I saw that look in his eyes and knew he wanted her and that someday he'd have to break the news to me. So I left our friendship before he could.
And never fucking came back.
"Yeah I just wish I could get them the fuck out of my head." I felt her words on a whole different level. Sometimes you just wish certain things didn't happen. Certain people you just didn't meet.
Real shit the true reason why I stayed and vowed to always deal with Zy and his condition is because I felt guilty. If I never met him life would've been better for him. He would've probably continued his life playing basketball, ended up in a good college and made it big. Partially I feel like I triggered what happened to him. Technically this would've all been avoided if Issac and Naomi were just honest with their kids. But I was the one who brought him to that party to make Riley jealous. In the moment I wasn't thinking about how it could turn out and I should've been. One party that wasn't even worth it managed to change Ozias's whole life. He snapped after that night and I think that's what triggered his issues to appear. I try not to blame myself because I know something else could have triggered him down the line. And everything does happen for a reason.
I just can't bro but blame myself. I know some days Zy probably blames me too. And maybe just maybe it's not healthy to be with someone just because you feel like you owe them your life. And even with all that's happened I still hold that vow in a place inside my heart.
