Your mind is a battlefield

1://𝘆𝗼𝘂𝗿 𝗺𝗶𝗻𝗱 𝗶𝘀 𝗮 𝗯𝗮𝘁𝘁𝗹𝗲𝗳𝗶𝗲𝗹𝗱

I walk towards the forest instead.
as I enter it, a chill runs down my spine as cold air enters my body.

"What in the world..." I breath, as a snake runs across my foot.

Before I can run, one of the vines grabs my wrist and tugs, pulling me toward the dark forest.

"AHHH!"

I take my other hand a try to free myself, but the vine only makes its grip stronger and pulls harder.In a panic A look for anything sharp, to cut the vine. Then I stop something shining in the sunlight a few feet away. A price of glass, sticking out of the sand. I strain all my muscles to fight against the vine, and try to grab the glass. Finally, I reach it, and cut through the vine to free myself, running towards the sand.
Panting heavily, I curl up into a ball in a center of the sand, the furthest I can get away from the ocean, and the furthest I can get away from the forest.

I'm trapped.
Ocean on one side, forest on the other.
I'm scared.
I don't know what to do.
I'm Mentally Exhausted.
And physically exhausted.
I'm done.

I want so badly to give into that itch, to give up, stop fighting and let go.
So what is stopping me? I ask myself.
Why? There has to be a reason!

So what is the reason?
Fear. I answer to myself. Because I'm scared of what will happen if I give in, stop fighting. I'm scared I will get my memory's back, and once I do, I'll wish I hadn't.

Because that itch in the back of my brain, it will never go away. And if I give into the darkness and let it take over me, something awaits there. Something scary. Something so terrifying, that I had blocked it from my brain.

There's a reason why I blocked it from my mind. And I should trust myself. I should trust that I don't want to know. I don't want to know who I am, and I don't want to know what happened, for if I know...there's no going back.

——————————-

"You know that curiosity is going to overwhelm you someday, and you will give in. It's just a matter of time..."
I say to myself.

"I have to trust myself. I'm happier this way."
I remind myself once again.

"How are you happier this way?? Your going so insane that your having an argument with yourself 𝗼𝘂𝘁𝗹𝗼𝘂𝗱!"

"Well, it's boring just listening to nothing but the waves. I like to hear my voice, or any voice for that matter..."

I think about other voices. What do they sound like? Are they any different from mine?

I pick up the piece of glass I had used earlier and look into it. I could barely make out an outline of my face, but I could definitely see The blue shining eyes staring back at me.
So my eyes are blue. Cool.

I drop the glass back into the sand, and stand up. I need to wash my face, it feels so 𝘥𝘳𝘺.
But I can't go near the ocean again...

"You know what? Forget it! I don't care no longer. I can't live like this. I'm not living my whole life in fear!" I said as I marched to the ocean.

It looked so innocent, like it wouldn't even hurt a fly...

𝘋𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘥𝘰 𝘪𝘵.

My brain told me.
"But it's so hot out here! Just a little water on my face won't hurt...I won't even get in that deep."

But the images from earlier came flashing through my brain, the water tugging at my ankle, hungrily pulling me towards it...

"It was probably just your imagination."
I say to reassure myself.

I put one into the waves. Nothing happened.
I put another foot. Still nothing.

"See? I told you! It's fine. Plus the water feels amazing!" I say.

I goin a little deeper, and bend down to cup some of the water, then splashed it on my face.
I went in a little deeper, to about my knees.

𝘪 𝘥𝘰𝘯𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘪 𝘸𝘢𝘴 𝘴𝘰 𝘸𝘰𝘳𝘳𝘪𝘦𝘥

I laugh to myself.
Then, a massive wave comes up and soaks me so the only dry part of my body is my head and neck. But Instead of leaving me and going back into the ocean, the water grips onto my legs and with a Force unreal, drags my into the deep water, muffling out my screams as it pulls my head under.

Numbness begins to feel my veins, the pain is so strong it's impossible to think. My lungs are screaming for air, burning more and more within every second. Sinking deeper and deeper, the pain of pressure squeezing my heart beat.

I don't know which way is up, or if there's even such thing as up.
Total blackness surrounds me, sucking the last ounce of hope out of me I didn't even know I had left.