sun in my mouth | poetry √

7| blythe baird

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the kindest thing she almost did: part two

there is a certain high to hating yourself she told me once. i try not to point out the irony as she explains how unhealthy our relationship is between drags of her cigarettes. when she takes me to the same rink she used to roller skate with last love i do not sob.when she apologizes for the way he is still the spare key to her art i assure her it's no problem.

i try not be jealous of his sheer good fortune. i do not hate him for becoming the flood in my backyard. i do not hate myself for falling in love with a drought dressed like a girl. but i do hate myself for falling in love with being left. years later she tells me "loving you is the kindest thing i almost did" and how possible it is to train the heart to sit.

the last time she shouts at me my name foams madly at her mouth. she tells me i don't know how to love someone with my whole being. and all at once i feel so stupid, an so small as I tell her. well i don't know how to not. in an effort to make her stay i promise her i will be whatever she wants me to be

she tells me that's the problem

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sorry for not posting much but school is starting in two days and I'll be senior!!