Be My Escape

Never Thought It Through

Present Day

Kaelyn's Perspective

Later that day, I got a call from my mom. The guys were hanging out with some band, so I went back to the van to take the call.

"Hey Mom, what's up?" I asked.

"I just wanted to check in since I haven't really heard from you," she said.

"Everything's going great," I said.

"Is Alex looking out for you?" She asked.

I thought about how Alex and I had fought almost constantly the whole tour, how he'd kind of made me miserable at times, and how we were now on shaky ground because he'd finally told me he had feelings for me. But I couldn't tell my mom all that. If she suspected that this tour was stressing me out, she'd make me come home immediately, and I really didn't want that. "Yes, he is," I said finally.

"And Lisa and Kara?" She asked.

I sighed, picking at a loose thread on my cutoff shorts. "Well, Alex dumped Lisa, so her and Kara went back home."

My mom groaned. "That boy. When will he learn?"

"Mom?" I asked.

"Yeah, sweetie?" She asked.

"Did you ever think...maybe...that Alex liked me?" I asked.

She laughed. "Of course I did! I didn't want to say anything because I wanted you kids to work it out for yourselves."

"He--he told me he likes me yesterday, and I kinda feel like I was the last to know," I said.

"Well, how do you feel about him?" She asked.

"I used to like him like that way—"

"I knew it!" My mom cried.

"Mom!" I cried.

"What? A mother can sense these things," she said.

I laughed. "Well, I'm glad you didn't say anything at least," I said.

"Anyway, you were saying?" She asked.

"Well, now I like Zack and he likes me too," I said.

"Huh. He could be good for you," she said.

"Really?" I asked.

"Sure. He's gentle and kind and laid-back. I think you could use someone like that," she said.

"I'm glad you think so. Alex isn't happy, but I don't know how to make him happy. I guess I kinda decided Alex and I could never happen, so I talked myself out of it. And I really, really like Zack," I said.

"Okay, sweetie. Just be careful," she said.

"I will. Love you, bye," I said.

Zack met up with me a little while later.

"Can we talk?" He asked.

"Sure." I nodded.

He stood next to me, both of us leaning against the van. "Look, I really like you, but I don't think we can work out."

"What?" I asked, tears pricking the corners of my eyes.

"I'm sorry. I just feel like things with Alex..."

"I don't like him anymore, okay? I like you!" I cried.

"I know, but I just feel like...you were always his," he said.

I glared at him. "How dare you! I don't belong to anyone!"

"That's not what I meant...I--"

"You know what? Just go. I don't wanna be around you right now!" I cried. I didn't care that I sounded like a child.

"I'm sorry," he said.

"I said go!" I yelled, shoving him away from me.

He walked away, back to the guys, I assumed. I sunk down to the ground, pulling my knees up to my chest as I sobbed. I knew things with Zack were too good to be true and now it was over before it had even started.

I don't know how long I sat there crying, but Alex eventually came up to me.

"Miller? What's wrong?" He asked, pulling me to my feet.

"Like you don't know!" I cried.

"No, I don't. What happened?" He asked, tilting his head to one side. Under different circumstances, I might have found that adorable, but it just made me more angry.

"Zack broke up with me and he said it was because of you!" I sobbed.

"Kae, I'm so fucking sorry. I didn't know he was gonna do that, I swear," he said.

"Did you say anything to him?" I asked.

He put his hands up in surrender. "No, I swear. I know you guys like each other and I don't wanna get in the middle of it."

I scoffed. "Yeah, right. Just go away."

"No, I'm not going to," he said, putting his hands on his hips.

That sent me over the edge. I started punching him in the chest while using every real and made up curse word I knew. I expected him to snap at me or walk away, but instead, he encircled me in his arms and held me tightly until I fell limp against him, sobbing.

"I know, I know, babe, I'm so sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm sorry," he whispered into my hair, kissing my head.

He rocked us back and forth, whispering nonsense into my hair, until my sobs turned into hiccups.

"Tell me the truth, Alex," I said.

"What's that?" He asked, still rocking us back and forth.

"Did you really have nothing to do with Zack breaking up with me?" I asked.

"Not intentionally, no," he said.

"That's not helpful," I said.

He exhaled sharply. "Well, look at it from his perspective. You used to like me, I still like you. And all this finally came to light right as you and Zack got together. If I were him, I wouldn't feel super confident about getting with you right now."

"But I really like him," I whined.

He chuckled. "I know you do. And maybe you guys can work it out when the dust settles. Till then, you still got your best friend."

"Oh yeah, Jack's great," I joked and Alex gaped down at me. "Kidding, kidding. So you're okay with us just being friends?"

He bit his lip and nodded. "Yeah, I am. I'd rather have that than not have you at all."

I smiled and pressed my face into his chest. "I'm glad."