As different as two stars, yet neither one shines as bright alone as when they are together. Something which rings so true right now. Being so close to someone yet feeling so far away, is something I would not wish upon anyone. Friends fight, yeah I know. But not us. In all the 11 years I have known her we have never fought. It's just never happened. But this has changed.
Im standing by as I watch her, someone so confident, so strong, stubborn and insanely amazing its unbelievable. Someone who I feel, as if I'm losing. She says we aren't, that's what she sees, but not for me. I see this small gap that has turned into a gaping whole. I no longer feel beside to one I call a sister. I didn't notice it, until she had a fight with a friend. They stopped talking. Then she got close with someone else, she's really nice, and funny and generally a great person. I became friends with her. But that's when it started. It was little things to most people, but to me meant a lot. We used to talk for hours on end, just us sitting on a hill, but now I barely got to speak to her. I see her at school, but it's not the same. It was as if we were drifting, slowly. It had happened before with someone I was close too. We drifted, then we fell out, and now we barely speak. I cant let that happen with her though. She is family, my sister, my best friend. She means everything to me but one little thing could break us apart. I can not say words, because I never say it right. But I write them down because its how I express myself. I need her back. Its not a case of I can find another girl like her, because I cant. She is one of a kind, that's why shes one of my 2 best friends. I don't know what has happened on her side or how she feels, but to me its like this. A few days ago, I went to lunch with her and our her/my friend, it was awesome, then I stopped to chat to some other people I knew, but when I turned around, they were gone. I couldn't find them until I asked someone if they had seen them, I found them then, but she couldn't see how upset I was by this. Then today,I was upset, I couldn't keep it in about how I was feeling about us drifting. I got into our class and did what I always do, I shut myself off from everyone, I sat with my back to the room. I could hear her and her other friend laughing and chatting. But nobody noticed me. I couldn't help it, I let lears flow down my face as I choked back sobs the entire class, yet no body heard. She didn't say a word to me that entire class. Maybe I should have said something to her, but when im uspet I go quiet, I cant communicate, its who I am. At lunch someone finally told me about why she was upset. Because I ignored her in that class. I understood some of it but not entirely. I ended up in tears again because I had no clue how to fix it. So at the end of the day, I apologised, I wrote im sorry on a piece of paper. But she kept walking, so I ran after her. I said im sorry. She said I had nothing to apolgise for. It wasn't the words that hurt me, but the way she said them. So I explained why I was sorry, what I was feeling, not all of it, just a part. But she said that we weren't drifting and that she didn't like it when people tell her shes changing. Then her friend said that she wasn't trying to steal her from us. They both sounded angry. I stopped and watched as they walked away. And it killed me. Saying goodbye is something I do not want to happen. I want me and her to return to being us. The friends we always were. I don't know what shes thinking or feeling, but I hope she reads this. I want this to stop, I NEED my best friend back because the more minutes that tick by without you I die a little more inside, my resolve fades and I fall back down into a black pit of nothingness. You are a part of me. One of the MOST important parts. This is how I feel, in black a white, for everyone to see.
What do you feel?
