The Shades of Spring

Summer is interrupted

Accelerated pulse? Nil.
Sweaty palms? Nil.
Stupid smile? Nil.
At least a buzzing energy in the nerves? Nil.

What she did feel was a stark contrast to everything Hafsa had felt after accepting Musa's proposal. Sidra felt calm and collected like a big soft wave had washed away all the nerves of the past few days, leaving her surrounded by a sense of completion. For a girl who read extensively on Islamic perspective of marriage, Sidra had never fully understood what you needed to feel that someone to completed you. Yet, after waking up from her doze on the prayer mat, the corners of her lips tilted upward with a smile as soft as the wave that cleansed her feelings.
In her dream, she'd seen a few things that she no longer remembered, but when she thought of his name, it felt like a great blanket of peace that warmed her to the bones; and she knew she had decided right.

A slight blush tinted her cheeks and again she wondered how easily she was falling for him, now that her heart had received His permission to do so. It was kind of magical how her feelings had changed in a week for a  man she'd known two years going three.
When she announced her decision to her parents over morning tea, the entire house was suddenly filled with this.....this.....air that she could only describe as sacred celebration. Hamza was the only person who didn't how to react. Should he be happy that The Cool Ayaan was becoming his brother for real or beat him up for taking away Sidra soon enough. He left his biscuits untouched and snuggled close to his sister; already counting his moments with her.

Sidra teased him for a while then soothed his little heart as best she could. Now, she couldn't wait to see how Ayaan would react. Would be feel as she did? Or something else? Oh what she wouldn't give to see his face upon hearing her acceptance!

What exactly was this groom doing?
Crying into the prayer mat is what he was doing.

For the rest of his life he'd remember Jameel and Mas'ud adding him to a group call while he was descending the stairs from his lecture hall and congratulating him at exactly fourteen minutes past eleven pm on a sweet summery Thursday morning. He would forever remember tears pricking his eyes and rushing to the MSA prayer room, flinging his files down and prostrating to The Almighty for the beautiful gift. He didn't remember what he told the men on the phone but every word he spoke to Allah that moment was engraved in his heart like a stone inscription.

Getting up from Sujood, he couldn't decide what to do next. He expected the rush of adrenaline and endorphins through his veins, to feel elated and happy beyond description, waited for the exhilarating thrill of reaching a summit. But strangely, a tranquil feeling befell him. A secret cloud vanished over his head and made way for soft sunshine. He felt peace descend upon his heart and his pulse steady. He felt like spring had come in the middle of summer, only for him; only for his heart.
He wanted to share the news with someone. He wanted to tell them. He wanted to tell the world. But he had lost his tongue somewhere at the back of his throat. Tears of relief cascaded down his face and dropped on to the prayer mat. He felt like he could just curl up and experience this feeling for the rest of his life and he'd be content with it.

Somewhere in his pocket, his phone beeped continuously with a string of messages from his sister who was on cloud nine of her own. She adored Sidra after the initial misgivings and to know that now, the girl whom she already saw as a sister was actually becoming her sister, she was too grateful for words. At first her wedding had held him back but Sara managed to persuade her brother to follow his heart. When he first told her about the proposal and how he felt about it, she all but hugged him through the phone and encouraged him to make fast because good girls aren't available forever. Perhaps for the first time Ayaan had known what it felt like to confide in an older sibling.

Wiping his tears away and slowly collecting his stuff, Ayaan made his way out of the building as he was actually going to, and headed to the nearest coffee shop to enjoy a sip of cold coffee to get his head straight. Even the hurting of his facial muscles couldn't stop him from smiling ear to ear all day; all by himself.

______________________

She actually felt ambiguous about not informing Hafsa straight away. It felt more right this way; but what would Hafsa think if she didn't find out sooner?
Either way, Sidra didn't have time to inform her.

Before she knew it, Mas'ud paid them a visit along with his son so the potential couple could get to know each other for marriage.
And all morning, Amanah was breathing down Sidra's neck not to dress like Cinderella in the fireplace. Sidra herself picked outfit after outfit and always put them away because it felt too grand for the occasion and she was really bothered if he would think her shallow and airy fairy. In the end, she settled for a cream coloured abaya he'd probably seen her in a hundred times already, because it felt just right like a second skin and also absorbed sweat really well as she was sure she may start hyperventilating at some point.

Amanah came to check up on her daughter and looked at the girl in a tender way that made Sidra worry if she would actually be able to stand her mother's tears if she married him. When. Because she was going to; In Sha Allah.
"Looks excellent on you, darling. But is this washed?"

"I think.... Does it smell?"

"No."

"Then it's washed."

The mother let out a hearty laugh. "Feather brain," she said, "our feather brain. May Allah make your life happier than it has been so far."

"Aameen, Ma. Is the coverage enough back and front?"

"Yes. Pull it a little to the left. There. Perfect. Are you nervous?"

"I don't know. Like, I've known him for so long, and this is kinda....strange. In a good way."

"Okay. All set then."

"Yeah."

Amanah squeezed Sidra's hand and made to leave, but the girl's timid voice called her back in.
"Ma? Can I ask you something?"

"Is a no going to stop you?"

"Absolutely not."

"Then what's the point in asking."

"It's called courtesy. Anyway, why do you guys support this? Because he literally hauled me off the cliff of death?"

Amanah rolled her eyes, then came to the mirror and stood with her daughter. How tall she was now! All grown up and ready to leave the nest just like her sister.
"No. If anything, you hauled him off the cliff just as much as he did. And I want you to know this also, because you never know someone until you start living with them: your worth is not measured by what you think he thinks. We may not be financially rich, Sidra. But I raised all three of my children rich in virtue and Deen. Two things no amount of wealth can compensate. And it is not pity that makes us think Ayaan deserves you. He is an excellent man as far as we know. All in all, my daughter isn't a consolation prize to give to the pitiable ones. She's the jackpot you have to work for."

Sidra's smile had been growing ever wider the way her mother spoke. She thanked Allah again for this beautiful woman in her life. Whatever virtue or goodness anyone saw in her, it all came from Allah first and then as a product of her parents who taught her right from wrong, set due limits and allowed her to discover herself and the world within the Islamic boundaries. Of course their parenting had flaws now and then, but nobody is perfect. And as far as perfection went, their imperfections and love were perfectly balanced.