The Sad Truth

Thinking why

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Watching a movie with my Bestie Ar Tonight.
The last song.
It was amazing but it's sad how she lost her dad in the end.
It made me think how horrible it must be to lose your parent.
I wouldn't be able to do it....
But in a way.
I did.
My Father left me and my mom.
After 19 years.
I now know how he feels about me.
He had a gun and wanted to shoot my dog.
So I walked in front of it.
He shot it and luckily it hit the fence and not my head.
Yes I was lucky... But was I really?
I had to call the cops on him.
In the end he left.
But he didn't leave without having the last words.
He said to me.
His 19 year old daughter.
His youngest daughter.
You are a useless piece of garbage.
You wanna go Bitch.
Your just a Cow.
Not once did I think my own father would say these things to me.
Yes I wasn't bothered by him calling me a retard when I was 6.
Or ugly at 7.
But now I understand.
I understand how you Truly feel.
You never loved me.
You just thought you had too.
You had your perfect daughter already.
What's the point of the second?
You wanted me.
To keep my mouth shut.
To listen to every word you said.
You didn't want me to have a voice.
Or to be heard.
You wanted me to be a Machine you could control.
But really...
You simply didn't want me.
I'm tired.
I'm sooo soo tired.
I don't wanna provide an explanation to everything.
I don't wanna do this.
I just wish that bullet went straight to my head.
At least I won't be in pain anymore.
That Constant thought of your words and actions keep playing in my mind.
No matter what happens.
I'll always be that Bitch that stood up for myself.
That Cow who protected its baby.
And a useless piece of garbage that was your Daughter.