The Story of J - Na Jaemin

Part 7: Listen Before I Go

"this way," Jaemin walked in front of her so she could follow him.

"hey, let's go say hi to Jeno first." she stopped him.

"he's with his family-"

"it's okay." she interrupted before he could finish.

"you sure?"

"mhm. she nodded."

he continued to walk again and this time, towards Jeno's family's table, where they're sitting.

June was nervous, immensely nervous, but she thought it'd be rude not to say hi to Jeno, especially when this is a graduation party. besides, they're friends and quite close. even when she really don't wanna see his sister, she decided to just get on with it.

"hi, Mr. and Mrs. Lee." Jaemin and Jeno's parents bowed to each other, while they were on their seat, June stood like a statue behind him.

"this is my friend, June." he introduced her, June stepped out from Jaemin's shadows and finally introduced herself.

"hi, i'm June. nice to meet you." she bowed.

but Jeno's parents only replied with a smile; a bitter one. a fake one, you can say. with judgy eyes, too.

Jeno's sister on the other side, didn't even bother to look at June at all.

"hi, Jeno. happy graduation." she offered her hand with a big smile.

but Jeno was off, he's not like how he used to be. he looks distant.

"you too." he replied. no smile, no nothing. only a stare, up and down to June his eyes were, then he looked away as if they were strangers.

but what happened?

June wasn't as close to him like Jaemin is. but still, they were close. and now?

June couldn't even say anything to the point where she tried so hard to held back her tears as everything in her life is falling down into pieces, one by one.

Jaemin on the other side? he was furious when he saw Jeno treated her that way.

"tsk." he snickered and rolled his eyes and grabbed June's hands, carrying her somewhere, while June held here tears tightly.

"let's just go see your parents." she said. then Jaemin held her hands and led both of them to Jaemin's parents's table where they're sitting at.

"mom, dad." Jaemin called both of his parents when they were facing to the stage while a student was singing, and the two were standing behind them.

they turned their heads backwards, and saw them both.

"it's June." Jaemin tilted his head.

"hi, Mr. and Mrs. Na. how are you? it's been awhile." she smiled.

but both Jaemin's parents didn't even opened their mouth to say anything, they just stared at her, top to bottom, turned their heads again to look the other way without even giving a smile.

"what the fuck?" Jaemin cursed in low volume voice.

"-i'm fucking done with these people. let's go." once again, he grabbed June's hands and took her somewhere.

•••

"why did you take me here?" she asked as soon as they arrived at the building's rooftop.

Jaemin glanced at her and then walked away, and sat at one of the stairs there. June followed him and sat next to him, both of them starring at the city's view, Seoul, at night.

"i wanted to talk to you." he refused to look at her while talking, meanwhile June is looking at him.

"about what?"

"everything." he looked down to avoid making eye contact.

June only starred at him and waited for him to say what he has to say. but she knows this will only lead to a good bye, right?

"i'm sorry."

she turned her head to look at him, slowly, while she asked. "for what?"

"for... everything that happened."

he stopped awhile to take a breath, in attempt to calm himself down from the burning guilt inside his chest that's swallowing him, slowly and painfully.

"if i hadn't act like a stupid kid and we'd.. run away the other night... none of this would've happened." he continued.

"it's not your fault you reacted that way, Jaemin. really."

"no." he shook his head and stood up, walked to the edge of the roof and leaned on the railed as he tried to breathe in the air of the city that night, hoping it would calm him even just for a little. "it is... June." he continued to blame himself.

"you wouldn't know that this would happen, J. i'm sure you wouldn't have done what you did if you knew this was going to happen to the both of us." June kept trying to convince him, in hope that he'll stop blaming himself for what happened.

the boy, with the guilt in his head. and the girl, with bitter in her heart.

the air was so ever sweet that night, filled with relief, euphoria, happiness, for what should be to these graduating kids that had just been relieved from their title of being teenagers, as of now they are growing adults. but not for these two best friends.

or should we say, lovers?

June stood up and walked towards Jaemin and she stood just beside him, leaning on the rail too, while looking at the city lights and moving cars on the streets. thinking about how the place that she often calls 'home', never really felt quite like one.

"it's okay, Jae. don't beat yourself about it." she rubbed his shoulders to calm him down.

"it's not."

"why? why do you keep saying that?"

"because i know if i did what i should've done, everything would be different, June!" he raised his voice. but not in a furious way most people made because they're angry. she could tell he's mad because he's frustrated.

"and what would that be, Jaemin?" she asked in the most hopeless tone you'll ever heard, all the while turning her head to look at his face, but still concealing the weight in her chest.

him too, turned his head to the right where June was standing next to him, "tell you the truth about my feelings."

•••

If you need me
Wanna see me
Better hurry
'Cause I'm leaving soon
Sorry, can't save me now
Sorry, I don't know how
Sorry, there's no way out