Uncontrollable Obsession

Kapitulo 24

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My face turned pale while my hand seems to lose strength, reason why the phone I was holding fell into the jacuzzi.

I brought my trembling hand to my shoulder and rubbed it restlessly. I don't know what will happen if Viahna and I meet again. What should I do? What she knows was that there is something between Zekeil and me.

Napaigtad ako at napuno ng matinding kaba ang dibdib na tiningnan ang pinto nang marinig kong kumatok doon si Zekeil.

"What was that?"

I swallowed hard. He heard it. Narinig niyang may lumagapak sa jacuzzi. Bumuka ang bibig ko pero niisang kataga ay wala man lang lumabas. Tumikom nalang ulit ako. Buti nalang at naalis na ang tubig roon kundi doble ang poproblemahin ko.

Kailan lang siya nakabalik? Alam kaya niyang magkasama kami ni Zekeil ngayon? Kailangan ko ng makaalis dito. Hindi maaring magtatagal pa ako rito ng ilang araw.

I combed my hair with my fingers as my mind stopped working. I can't think straight. Various ideas flooded in my mind reason why I couldn't concentrate on what should be done now. Should I tell Zekeil? Or not, so he will surprise soon. Seriously, I'm confused about what to prioritize first. A lot of what ifs and scenes playing in my head.

What if she'll attack me? Will she slap me? What if she'll embarrasses me here? Do I still have a face to face that if it will going to happen? What if she'll drag me outside and tweak me? Will I fight back if I was the reason? What should I say? Should I defend myself? So many questions but not even a single has an answer yet. There are a lot of things that could be solutions but I can't choose any of them.

I caught my own breath when a new questions flashed in. Will I be jailed? Will I be charged? Will my license be revoked? Will I lose my job? I feel like an idiot for laughing here all by myself. Is that even a question? Of course, I'll get fired from my job but I know I'll stay licensed.

Now, look at me. I have really become stupid because of the intense fear.

"Yiahn, can I come?"

It seems that I just came back to my senses when I heard his baritone voice. I forgot that he was outside waiting. I stopped walking back and forth to compose myself. My knees’ still shaking.

Dali-dali kong pinulot ang selpon at muling binalik sa cabinet nang hindi na ito tsinek kong may nasira ba o wala.

I bit my index as I walked back to the door. I will do nothing. I will remain silent when Zekeil's wife arrives. I did nothing wrong. I am innocent so I will defend myself if something bad happens to me. But I hope there will be no conflict between the two of us.

Magaan ang loob ko sa kaniya. Pakiramdam ko pa nga... masarap siyang kaibiganin.

Distansyado naman ako kay Zekeil kaya dapat hindi ako kabahan kapag darating na ang asawa niya. We don't have a relationship either. Wala! So I should stop panicking because it doesn't help me and it's not good either, it just makes me look guilty even though I didn't do anything wrong. Everything is just a pure game to him. Kaya hindi nagtaksil si Zekeil, lalo na ako.

Binaba ko ang kamay na nakahawak sa handle.

Kung bubuksan ko 'to, anong sasabihin ko kapag nakita niyang ganito ang hitsura ko?

Siguro dahil sa 'raming pumapatong— 'yong takot na siyang pumaibabaw sa akin, kaya napaatras nalang ako, imbes buksan dapat ang pinto. Tumama ang likod ko sa lababo.

Malinis akong dumating dito sa Isla Rosverde kaya ganoon din dapat ako kapag aalis na. Malinis at walang dala-dalang konsensya.

Hindi ko na alam pero bumigay na ang mga binti ko, nakita ko nalang ang sariling nakasalampak na sa sahig habang umaagos sa magkabilang pisngi ang mainit na tubig mula sa aking mga mata.