D&V

326 15 11

by The_Krystal_Cipher

by The_Krystal_Cipher

We were playing post-apocalyptic D&D in an afterschool club for nerds. I was new to the game; I had only played once before.

Let's call the dungeon master Carl, and me Nancy.

Carl had just leveled us all up to level 3, and we reported to the mayor of the town. The mayor toldus that there was a terrorist conspiracy that plans to let the zombies into the town, and we have to stop it.

A suspicious shopkeeper wouldn't let us in. The guys, being guys, tried to straight up intimidate him; it failed.

Then I had an idea: flirt with the guy until his guard is let down, then go at him.

I said, "I got this".

However, I said the word seduce instead, thinking it had the same meaning. Uh oh.

We debated the skill that goes with seduce and ended up deciding deception.

The shopkeeper asked me into his room.

I wasn't expecting that, but it was funny to me, being 13, so I rolled with it.

We debated it and decided that we could kill him in his room.

Once we got there, the options were given: bow chicka wow wow or murder?

The boys were about to say that we should kill him, when I reconsidered. I asked Carl what level he is.

Well, it turned out he was a level freakin 10 and if I tried to kill him, I was gonna get raped, so I had to go with what I found to be the more honorable option: doing it with him.

At that point the teacher walked in. I awkwardly explained what happened (out of my own free will- She's really understanding and funny) to her and the other D&D group while Carl said great quotes like "This is all your fault,", "I told you not to tell her!", and "Wow, Nancy, Wooooow." She proceeded to laugh at this idea.

And then, my character got screwed, literally. I proclaimed my loss of virginity. The shopkeeper was then our ally and basically slave.

I suggest a method for determining pregnancy, but it turns out there already is one. I wonder what is wrong with the game's developers. My mistake was not wondering what was wrong with me.

Well, it turned out I was pregnant.

I spent most of the time when Carl was figuring out what my kids were gonna be like smiling, laughing, and going "Oh my GOD!". Another kid suggested we roll for a condom, but Carl explained that all the condoms were made into slingshots to fight off zombies.

The mayor took care of the conspiracy himself.

There were cries to abort the baby, particularly from the boys, but I said no, let the baby live.

Then, I finally had twins, a boy and a girl, which were eventually named Luke and Leia.

"I'm a MOTHER!" I proclaimed, getting a lot of slow claps and "Wow"s.

Due to pregnancy, I was weakened to 0 hp and I died, but somehow, my kids survived. I say I deserved it after that which happened.

About 15 years later, they grew into powerful warriors. Carl decided they died for no reason other than he was just pissed by the whole thing.

One dude asked himself out of the group as a joke. I declared this a story we will tell for years. Everyone congratulated me sarcastically, and we all went home laughing and wondering what the fuck is wrong with me.

And the Monday after, Carl banned me from his group.

And that's why I am never allowed to play Dungeons and Dragons again, ever.

OK, I lied, he let me back in after I told him what I was trying to do.

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Note for phone users: this is a Troll Face.

But the rest of the story is true.

(Also, somewhere in this process I had to roll for screwing (I choose athletics- WHOOOO!) and I rolled a 20- the one 20 of the whole freaking game. If any D&D experts know when in the "process" this would be, tell me please.)