Bellis perennis

Arbitrary

They were almost halfway there to her university. It was in just another province, her university . It was about 7 hours ride from there . 

Hannah and Elora called her to ask where she had reached . Just when she hung up the phone , she messaged, Elora . 

She sent a picture of him , Yvern . It was different from the usual one she had . She said in a small voice , " Ah ! I was trying to forget him , Oh! it ruined it all...."

Her mom heard her and said ," What happened ? " 

" No, nothing , mom.. " she replied without even looking at her .

She just stared at him for a long time and she would say to herself ,

" How can anyone have such beautiful eyes ? Oh I have become their lover . I cannot help but ask for a  place in these eyes...."

" Every moment , my heart says to me that  you are its only desire . Every moment , my lips asks me  to say every conversation about you only . "

"That is you , First breath . You are the fragrance of the flowers . First victory . You are the first failure . First song . You are the groom of my heart  . First drop of the rain . You are the first cover in the cold . Now that I've seen you  everyone on the street feels sweet ."

" Your talks are so beautiful , when I remember those smell fragrance of flowers . I will keep you in a home that l'll build and only I will live with you . Let me hide you somewhere  , I will not share even your shadow ." 

Her mom asked ," Are you okay ? Having mood swings ? Or you are just now feeling  excited about your new college ?"

She didn't realize that her face was suddenly filled with happiness , but when her mom asked her about it she again remembered that she was being irrational to her heart . She realized that at last she was going to hurt herself no mater how happy she would be for a moment . She again would wish the same wish ,  prayed the same prayers , had the same thought ,

"These distances , the distance of paths . Distance between our eyes , distance between you and me . May all the distances be vanished ..."

" Didn't I tell you  ? Without you, I don't want to live  . Even unknowingly, I don't want any distance with you . "

" I request you to Please teach me to live once again ."

Neither she was alive nor dead , her heart broke before it could join . Her hands parted from him before they could meet . What had fate written for her  she would ask to herself . 

Tears  rained down continuously from her eyes . Fearing if her mom would notice it, she pretended to fall asleep . 

She had that only dream , about him but when her dream shattered in a flash , her world seemed empty  . She thought  there was no one left to love.

She would then say to herself ,

"Love .. It's like waiting . It's like a test . It's patience . I don't know what it is , I never even thought  it would be this much . It's extreme.. "

" Will I succeed if I hold on just a little longer ? Will I have him with just a little patience ? Will he come to me if I wait for him a little longer ?"

But then again she would remember when her nights were cold and unloving , her days became colorless . When only loneliness and desolation filled her life , and there she was every living moment without him  in that stiff land , seeing stiff faces , stiff heart . She would remember herself  wandering aimlessly and then she would find herself in the same condition as before and say to herself ,

" The distance is suffering .  Distance is longing . May all the distances be vanished . I have lost and gave away my world for you . I surrender , I can't do this anymore , I would hate myself if I do that once again..."

" Now that I'm ready to forget you , I should not look back ..."

" Tell me my heart , I always listened to you Why the sorrow eclipse me ? Should I get this life-long punishment ?"

Then she would ask herself at that moment if she would be happy if she would see him for just a moment , if her heart would be able to love him same all the way till the death .

 Suddenly rain started pouring outside , they stopped driving for a while . 

She said to herself ," Even nature commiserated with me. "

The rain started to pour heavily , it made a loud noise , nothing was clearly visible outside the window . 

Her father said , " Forecast didn't say it would rain today !" 

" Things don't always happen as predicted .." replied her mother.

Loe didn't say anything and just stared outside the window , stared at nothingness and said to herself ,

"He is like this rain , he rains loudly  . I became like a soft drizzle which can not rain freely. Though both are  rains , where is the similarity ?  Or maybe it's the contrary ...."

" Life looks easy from a distance . My world and his universe too..."

" Maybe he also has someone whom he loves , as much as I love him . Maybe he has also wished to be with someone as much I have wished . Maybe he has prayed for someone as much I did for him . Maybe he is already with her or maybe he is living for that sole reason ..."

" I never even cared to think about whom he loved . Even if my prayers would  be answered  , even if I will be able to get him , if he has someone whom he prayed for , then he won't be happy And I won't be happy without him being happy ..though I will smile when he will . When he will be  depressed , I will Bring some happiness immediately . But I'm afraid if that won't be the same case for him ....."

" Oh ! I don't know why I am lost like this.... "

" Now I realize that my love for him has always been so selfish . All I cared was for my own happiness . I always said I won't be able to do this to do that .. at last it was all about me . I never even cared to think about him .."