Thomas and Niko in the City of Trees

Chapter 16 - Part 1

When I'm about halfway home, I make up my mind that if I'm so goddamn worried about him, I should just check in. So I send him a text that says, "Are you doing okay today?"

My phone starts buzzing, which scares the shit out of me for some reason. He's calling. I happen to be walking past an alley and I turn down it because the road I'm on is loud as hell. I pick up the call.

"Could you just come over?" is the first thing out of his mouth.

"Sure."

"Okay, see ya," he says, and then he just ends the call. Just like that.

I show up at the Chu household about fifteen minutes later. All it takes is a brief walk up that lush front lawn to get me feeling a little better. I have to use my spare key to open the front door. It looks like no one else is home. I go back to his bedroom and find him in bed with a pillow over his head. He lifts it, takes one look at me and lets it fall back over his face.

"The neighbor died," he says.

"Who?"

"The old man through the wall. He's dead. That's why he never came back."

"I'm sorry," I say.

"It's fine," he says. "None of us knew him that well."

I turn his desk chair around so it's facing the bed and sit down. "I had to unlock the door," I say.

"My dad probably thought everyone was out of the house this morning. I didn't tell him I was skipping work."

"Have you been in bed all day?"

"Mostly."

I wish I could see his expression. It's hard to get a read on things through that stupid pillow.

"How is everything?" he says.

"Shitty."

"Same here." Finally, he throws his pillow aside. He sits up and looks me in the eyes. "What was it like when you told her?"

Damn, he's really putting it to me point-blank. I wish I could give him a clear answer. I really do. It's just that I haven't been letting myself relive that particular moment—not even a little. It just hurts too much. I struggle for a minute before saying, "It felt like it was all coming through a filter."

He looks at me for a long time. "Did she cry?"

"Of course she cried."

"Madison cried a lot," he says. "It got so bad at one point, I started thinking none of this was worth it. I was just searching around for anything I could say to make it better."

"There's nothing you can say," I tell him.

He just nods. Man, he's looking pretty sad. Quite a bit of time passes where neither of us says anything. He only speaks up when I shift in the chair and rest my feet on the bed.

"What happened with Driggs—that was fucked up."

"I know."

"It really made me stop and think about things," he says.

"Yeah," I say. "Me too."

"We've been incredibly reckless with this whole thing. We acted like we could get away with anything. We thought we were untouchable."

I don't know what the hell he wants me to say. I agree. We behaved recklessly, and we shouldn't have. But it's all over now.

"After you told Lexie," he continues slowly, "did you ask her not to tell anyone else?"

"Of course I didn't—don't tell me you said that shit to Madison."

He pauses. "No."

"I can't believe you think it would be appropriate to ask anything of them, after what we've done."

"I don't."

I'm looking at him now. I'm trying to understand. "Why are you bringing it up?"

"I just don't want everyone finding out."

Jesus Christ, he's out of his mind. I'm feeling pretty defiant by this point, so I say, "Yeah, well, I told Owen already, so good luck with that."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"He found me in the park yesterday, after I was with Lexie. He kept asking what was wrong, so I just told him. I didn't know what else to do."

Thomas is looking at me like he doesn't know me. "You could've kept your mouth shut, for one thing."

I turn away. I'm just looking out his small bedroom window. "I needed to talk to somebody, bad. Besides, he said he wouldn't tell."

"Niko, listen, we can't just go telling people like that."

He's making a show of being patient with me, which irritates me more than you can believe. "Why not?"

"Are you even listening to yourself? Jesus, dude, anyone could find out."

"Like anyone gives a fuck, in this day and age." I'm practically yelling at him now, I'm so annoyed. "Guess what, we're not in high school anymore. All that petty shit isn't going to matter when you're five hundred miles away from the place you grew up."

He glares at me, then says quietly, "My dad gives a fuck."