The Costco Toilet Paper Murder

TOIIILLLLEEETTT PAAAPPEEERRRR

It all started one day during the 2020 global pandemic when one man ran out of toilet paper. His family was in a crisis because they had a case of diarrhea. Due to the current situation, the man needed to get thirty packs of toilet paper. Thus, he marched his way down to Costco to find his toilet paper. He ambled his way in with his black hoodie and black mask, planning to get his toilet paper one way or another.

He stood in the toilet paper aisle suspiciously because he saw that there was a limit of two packs of toilet paper. He took the rest of the packs on the shelf, which was only about six-packs. Thus, he needed a plan to take everyone's toilet paper. He had the idea of just murdering everyone. So, he crept over to the kitchen knife section and grabbed two of the sharpest knives.

He connected his phone to a Bluetooth speaker and blasted "The Immigrant Song" so he could be like Thor except with knives. He started by killing the employees first, then the customers, so he could see the customers' faces when he took their toilet paper. One by one, he slit their throats. Everyone knew that all he wanted was their toilet paper. At this thought, everyone was petrified screaming "My family needs this toilet paper. They all have explosive diarrhea!" The man did not care and murdered every single person in that store. Or so he thought. He successfully got 69 packs of toilet paper, so he was extremely proud of himself.

There was one place the man did not look and that was the women's restroom. Amy, who was on her lunch break at the time of the toilet paper murder, always eats lunch on the toilet because she was a strange person like that. She left the bathroom expecting to go back to her awful job, but when she got out, she saw her bosses' bloody body on the ground. She thought to herself, "Sweet, a day off!" But then she saw all the toilet paper was gone! This made her furious because she told her boyfriend that she would bring him some. He said that he was going to dump her if she didn't. She had to figure out who had done the horrific deed of murdering everyone for toilet paper!

She decided to scream "Marco" hoping that someone would answer, but no one replied. She did this for 3 hours until finally giving up. She was hopeless so she drowned her sorrows in hot dogs, pizza, and churros. She eventually fell asleep and didn't wake up until 2 PM the next day.

She finally stopped being an idiot and decided to look at the security cameras. She saw there was a man taking 69 packs of toilet paper into the men's bathroom. She rushed over to the men's bathroom screaming "Marco! I know you're in there Marco!" She rushed in and saw a dead body sitting on the toilet. She was stunned not by the dead body, but the amount of poop he had pooped! She took the toilet paper and made a run for it. Later that day she was looking at the news and a diarrhea virus was spreading all over North America! It had been transmitted by someone murdering a bunch of people in a Costco for toilet paper. She was at ease because she had 69 packs of toilet paper. The end.