The Time Before Home

Chapter Sixteen

As I gazed at my reflection in the huge mirror, it dawned on me I probably did this too often. Only a few years back, I might not have cared so much about the way my hair fell past my face or how my hips were just a little bit too wide for my waist. I trailed a finger across the dusting of light freckles on my arm, sighing as my hands fell limply to my sides.

For a long time, I'd suckered myself into the trap. Calorie counting, reading through comments telling me I was a little too buxom. I'd been complimented to the moon and back but torn down to the very depths of insecurity, weaponizing food against myself as though in a couple of short years, it had become the enemy. But as my teeth sank into a fat jam doughnut and sugar fluttered down into my bare legs, I felt triumphant. If there was one thing I could thank this demon for, it was reminding me that if I was going to die, I wasn't going to do it hungry.

I'd spent exactly twenty-five minutes in front of the mirror, eyeing every inch of my body with my heart in my mouth. I didn't really understand what the mark of the devil meant - I just knew I wasn't sure how to handle having one. But even as I inhaled shallow breaths, a part of me wondered if finding it might be for the best. If it was burned into my skin, after all, it meant my friends wouldn't have to endure the horrors of being the chosen one. My brother wouldn't have his sanity stolen. But then, lore implied the chosen one would live - at the expense of everybody else.

I didn't want that either.

Really, it was a no-win situation as I pulled my clothes back on, already uncomfortable at how long I had been alone. Everybody had classes to get back to the day after our incident, but Michael blew it off, refusing to leave me in the huge house without any company. It looked as though Seb was planning on staying, right up until the moment Michael volunteered. He looked relieved - I couldn't imagine he'd find it very easy to explain to Addie that he blew off history class to mingle with Allison.

Guilt stabbed at me as I thought of her, because I wasn't that girl. Sure, she wasn't going to win any awards for being a sweetheart of our generation but nobody deserved for their boyfriend to... kiss someone else. Seb's eyes had met mine too many times since that moment, and the air felt so electric I feared it would burn off the ends of my hair. It couldn't happen, but as I closed my eyes and thought of Seb, I wondered if I wanted it to.

I had all those years ago, after all. My mind had travelled to him far too often in New York, stomach twisting and leaving me hollow. Seeing him was like a pleasant gut punch and now it had been amplified by a thousand. I ached to reach out and touch him, to pull him into me as I had done before... I had no idea how to rationalise the fire I'd always left burning for that boy, but it still stirred inside of me, alight as ever.

"You decent?" Michael called through the door, leaving me yelping into the silence. I pulled myself together quickly, eyes darting around the room. I couldn't remember what it felt like to feel... alone.

"Yeah," I straightened my clothes out, giving Michael a half-smile as he entered, "You, uh... you good?"

Michael chuckled, reading my worried expression. "Don't worry," he reassured me, "I can't find a thing. But jesus, I have freckles in places you wouldn't-"

"Ew?" I cut him off, leaving him laughing loudly into my room, dodging the pillow I threw at him. He simmered down, turning to me seriously.

"No, but I'm all good. I guess you are too by the fact your head hasn't hit the ceiling yet."

I nodded, solemn. "Yeah, but like... that means one of the others is..." I trailed off, frowning at the weight of it, "Marked. Chosen."

Michael sighed, shrugging, "Nobody's called or texted. I'm inclined to say maybe none of us are, but... Theron seemed pretty certain. The man's crazier than a bag of bats but he seems to understand this all better than we do."

"Would you tell the group?" I asked seriously, "If... if you were? You'd have this weight, right? Knowing that everyone knows you... you could orchestrate their death?"

Michael went still, sighing. He turned to me, eyes unsure. "Honestly, sis, I don't know. I mean, yeah, I'd tell them, but it would change everything. Every bad thing that happened... would it cross people's mind that I had something to do with it? It's a burden."

"They'll tell us," I mumbled. Michael nodded, grabbing my hand.

"Yeah, I know. None of them have a bad bone in their body. Christ, though, imagine if Addie was involved in all this..." he chuckled, frowning when I stilled instead of laughing. "Al'?"

I couldn't lie to him. My brother and I rarely fought like siblings were supposed to, and instead I'd spent years leaning on him like a best friend. When his head tilted in concern and eyes grew questioning, I knew lying wasn't an option.

"Seb, uh..." I trailed off, "We were arguing and he kissed me-"

"Oh," Michael recoiled, leaning back, "Oh. Damn, wasn't expecting that."

"Nor was I!"

Michael frowned, clearly concerned. It took him a moment to speak but when he did, he looked me dead in the eye, hand still fixed on mine. "Listen," he said softly, "I know... I know you and Seb were kind of a thing before you left. But since you left... he's just different, Allison. It's not just because of you, but... I don't know. We all recovered and he just... he got worse."

"You guys helped him though, right?" I pushed nearly silently. My brother nodded, looking forlorn.

"I mean, yeah, as much as we could. He avoided us just enough to not make us lose our heads with worry, but enough that we were all concerned. He's just... between us, I don't think he has a whole lot to be happy about."

My lip twitched, heart aching uncomfortably. For the first time, I really sat and allowed the guilt to sink in. Sure, I had never been obliged to stay - but maybe I should have. I was Seb's best friend, after all. I knew deep down as I fled that he was going to need me, but I pushed it to the back of my mind, selfishly hiding from everything. Demons, ghosts, the fear of falling for the boy who could die any second. My head exploded and I ran. But Seb stayed behind, miserable.

"I shouldn't have left," I whispered, eyes fluttering closed as Michael put his arm around me, letting me lean into his chest.

"You know what?" he said, "You should have. You... you got space away from this. Seb would have had his nightmares and his struggle with or without you, okay? You will never be responsible for a boy, alright, Al'? You can help him and you can make him as happy as you can, but he can't pin it on you. Alright?"

I mulled over his words, sighing. "I don't think he wants to pin it on me," I whispered, "But you're right."

So we stayed like that for a few minutes, right before we headed downstairs and Michael started sizzling us up some breakfast bacon. I saw the reflection of a deathly eye in the microwave and something rustled the back of my hair, but I only fell to the floor and sobbed when my brother left the room. With a million eyes on me and the feeling of a weight on my chest when I slept, I had to wonder if I was the chosen one.

***


"Oh my god!"

The mystery had been solved - Theron drove exactly the way I expected him to. As we weaved in and out of lanes and I teetered on the edge of my life at least sixteen times, I finally cried out.

"Shush, child," he waved me off, "Better to go in car crash than be eaten by demon, yes?"

My mouth dropped open, "I'd rather neither."

When Theron turned up at my house and insisted on taking me out, I'd initially said no. The idea of leaving Michael alone made me want to throw up and frankly, I couldn't think of any good reason Theron would want my company. But as Michael insisted he had friends he could visit and the priest tugged me up the garden to his car, I realised I'd been left without much of a choice.

"First thing is first," he said, "You have mark?"

"Nope," I said quickly, "Nor does Michael... that's my brother, the blonde one. Polo shirt guy, always in a polo shirt. I-"

"You are nervous," Theron cut through me matter-of-factly, "Demon probably choose you so you stop talking to him."

I couldn't help but snort with laughter at that, relaxing somewhat into the back of the seat. Theron kept his eyes on the road, driving a little less erratically. "Why did you ask me here?" I probed him. He cleared his throat, making an odd noise.

"Ah, you children... you are not so bad," he frowned, "I make point of not helping people anymore," he went quiet, face falling ever so slightly. It was the first ounce of emotion I had seen on the wild priest and so I frowned.

"Why?" I asked quietly.

"The world beneath us," he gestured downward, "It is... it is not predictable. It is why when you children cry 'please, what must we do?' I cannot give good answer. These creatures live in darkness. It is hard to watch them spread that darkness around earth."

"You... you've helped other people like us?" I whispered, not missing the twitch of his eye. He swallowed, nodding.

"Yes. I try."

Goosebumps erupted onto my skin. "Do they... are they okay now? Can we... talk to them?"

"I think you know the answer to that," he murmured, "But... they all had different struggles, different entities wanting different things. There... there is always hope for you."

"Do you really believe that?" I asked, clutching white-knuckled onto my own legs. He turned to me, looking sad.

"I do not know. I... I help if I can. You children are so wide-eyed and ready for life. You do not deserve to be scared to be awake. I do not deserve to be sixty and grey while you suffer."

His voice cracked at the last word and instinctively, I found myself clumsily putting my hand over his on the gearstick, noting the way his lips quirked upwards slightly.

"We're doing what you said," I whispered, "Fixing things... Seb and I made up, Kira - the pretty Asian girl - she's being a bit more open."

"Things are still bad, yes?" Theron asked, catching me off guard.

"I mean... yeah. Yeah, they are. I feel it every day. Watching me."