It was like the moment he said the word, a million thoughts rushed into my head. Not thoughts, memories. Pregnant. I was pregnant. I remember now. The memories I had before of me in the hospital. I realized it now. I didn’t see myself. But now I remember the memories fully and yes, my belly was big. The memory of me writing the letter to Luke, when Talia told me about Calum cheating…My stomach is big. And more than the knowing I was pregnant. I knew who the father was.
“Harry.” I said softly my eyes searching Luke’s for answers. It was like I watched part of the light in them disappeared. I had broken his heart. He nodded.
“Where is it? The baby?” I asked my hands coming to my stomach. My heart sinking, it felt like I was catching it in my stomach and holding it in my stomach. A piece of me officially missing now.
“Kelly just try to calm down a little.” He said and I realized I was breathing rapidly.
“Luke where is the baby?” I said a little loud. He quickly put his hand over my mouth.
“Shhh they will here you.” He hissed. He was gentle with his hands but firm with his voice.
I took a deep breath and then nodded. Then he moved his hands away. His eyes searched mine.
“What do you remember?” He said softly.
“Um…I…SO much. Everything maybe?” I said looking around trying to retain everything.
“Walk me through it.” He said holding me hand.
“Ok. Well I remember Harry and I being together but then I met you. I liked you and then one night we kissed. I felt wrong about it. I couldn’t cheat on Harry. So I ended things. Then you and I got together.” And then the first hit in the gut. My hand was lifted to the mouth. “We were so happy.” I said my voice cracking.
Luke looked down at the ground. He couldn’t look at me because he knew what was coming.
“And then one night, I was hanging out with Harry. And then the next thing I knew we were sleeping together.” I said looking down ashamed at myself. “I wanted to stop. But I couldn’t. I…I’m sorry.” I said starting to cry.
“Why?” He said softly.
“I don’t know.”
“That’s bullshit Kelly and you know it. If we were so happy. If you loved me. Why would you do that to me? You couldn’t cheat on him but you can cheat on me?” I looked up seeing the tears in his eyes.
“Luke I’m sorry. I’m so sorry.” I said putting my hands on his checks.
“I just don’t understand Kelly. I did everything. I was always 100% in this. I loved you. I still love you. I always will love you. I just don’t understand why I am not enough? Why was I not enough for you?” He asked, his voice breaking towards the end.
I wanted to answer him. But it was complicated. And my memories were still scrambled together.
“Luke it wasn’t you. It was me. I was being so se-“
“That is bullshit Kelly. Don’t bullshit me. I did this all for you. Make sense of this form me. Please.” He said shaking my hands off his face.
“What do you want me to say?” I asked.
“Can you tell me what I couldn’t give you that he did?” He asked. I felt nauseous.
“Luke it wasn’t that. It wasn’t what you weren’t giving me. You gave me everything. At the end of the day, what it came down to was it was Harry.” I said shaking my head and looking down.
