Never Getting Back Together

TWENTY-SIX

"Quinn, breathe." Liv's face pales, and she reaches out a hand to steady me, but my legs give way before she can. I collapse onto the street, butt-bones smacking into the hard ground as everything I hadn't let myself feel slams into me at once. I wrap my arms around my knees, and sobs wrack my body. I'm drowning in worry, and fear, and heartbreak. I don't know how to find my way to the surface.

Liv kneels in front of me. "Listen to me," she says softly. I look up. Her face is nothing but a blur through my stream of tears. "I'm not sure what happened back there, but you're a wonderful person. The best I know. If you didn't say the right thing, it's because you're in shock. Ty will forgive you."

I cling to her words like a life raft in a sea of hopelessness. I want to believe them, despite how unlikely it seems that they could be true.

"I messed up. I messed everything up," I say between sobs.

"Okay, I need you to tell me what you mean by that, but first, we've got to get you out of the road."

I nod, sending tears scattering across the cobblestones. I'm so grateful the entire town is currently in the school cafeteria, so nobody else is here to see me crumble. Liv's fingers close around my upper arms, and she helps me to the curb. I slump onto the concrete.

"Alright, lay it on me, sister." Liv sits down next to me and rubs circles across my back.

I blow out a shuddering breath and scrub at my tear-soaked cheeks. "He wasn't answering my calls," I blurt because I have no idea where else to begin explaining how badly I screwed everything up.

"Ty?"

"Yes. Everything was going wr-wrong with the stupid karaoke night, and I kept calling him and texting him. And he wouldn't respond, and I didn't know w-why," I stammer. "I got mad, and I y-yelled at him." I turn to look at Liv because I need to see the look on her face when I say this. Need to know if she thinks I'm as terrible as I feel.

"His mom's been getting treatments for thyroid cancer. He had to pick her up from the hospital today. He said he was busy, and I just couldn't accept that as an answer." A fresh surge of tears spills down my face. "But I didn't know, Liv. He didn't tell me."

"Oh, Quinn." Liv's eyebrows furrow, but in sympathy, not judgment. She pulls me into a tight hug. The street light flickers on above us, casting the road in an orange glow. "That's not your fault. Ty should've told you about his mom."

"I'm going to lose him again." My voice is tiny, barely audible over the sound of crickets chirping in the fields behind us.

Liv shakes her head. "You won't lose him. But you have to talk to him this time. You need to tell him why you were so upset today."

"What if he won't speak to me?"

"He will."

At the doubtful expression on my face, Liv takes hold of my shoulders and gives me a playful little shake, trying to lighten the moment. "He will."

I attempt a smile, but my lips tremble. I bite them together to keep from crying again. "I'm losing control of everything. I missed the deadline for the grant. My insurance isn't going to help pay for my medication anymore. I'm terrified I won't be able to afford it, and I'll get sick again. And Ty—" I swallow the lump in my throat. "Ty's going to break up with me." I bury my face in my knees.

"Shhh." Liv strokes a calming hand through my hair. "None of those things are going to happen."

"You don't know that."

"I don't," Liv admits. "But I do know you're doing your absolute best. And if you don't start trusting that that's enough and stop trying to control the outcome of every situation, you'll give yourself a nervous breakdown."

I turn my head so my cheek's resting against my knees as I look over at her. "I don't think I know how to do that."

"You don't say. You're usually so chill." Liv shoots me a grin and bumps my shoulder with hers. A watery laugh escapes my lips. "I know it doesn't feel like it right now," she says, "but everything's going to work out. I promise." Her words are so full of certainty I almost believe them.

"How?" I ask.

"I'm not sure." She shrugs, staring up at the glittering stars. "But I'm here for you, and so is Mom. We'll figure it out together."

Life's knocked me down so many times. But with Liv, Betty, and Dad's help, I've always managed to pick up the pieces. As impossible as it seems to stop worrying and believe everything will be fine Liv's right. I can't keep going like this. I need to trust in my people and in myself. We all deserve at least that much.

"Thank you." I lean my head on Liv's shoulder, and she sits with me until the ache in my chest eases enough that I can take a full breath.