so hard to die - arthur x eames

Chapter 7 - I wish I wasn't dead

Arthur began to laugh. The he began to cry. A bubble of snot popped out of his nose. "You old sop."

Eames snorted. "You're the one drowning in your own snot, and I'm the sop?"

"I thought... I thought you hated me," Arthur giggled.

Eames sighed. "Arthur, I don't offer my apartment to my worst enemies! I really like watching you sleep, by the way."

Arthur groaned. "I thought I was the one who was watching you."

"You underestimate my ability to not sleep at all," Eames said.

"I like you too, for the record. We just don't agree on a lot of things," Arthur frowned. "Before we get into a relationship, I'm going to have to write you a questionnaire to figure out what we have in common." A small smile spread over Arthur's face, but he tried to hide it. Eames' expression was incredibly serious.

"Good idea."

"I was JOKING! Eames, stop taking stuff I say so seriously! God, we are useless," Arthur laughed.

Eames looked shy for a second. "Can I kiss you?"

Arthur smiled. "You can have all the kisses." Absentmindedly, he took a sip of wine. The memories flooded back, and Arthur watched himself from a third person perspective as the wine touches his lips and the poison took hold of his body.

As he collapsed, and Eames' beautiful face floated into his line of vision.

He remembered, his last thought wasn't, you fucking bastard, you killed me. It wasn't, I will hate you for all of eternity.

It was, I never even got to kiss you.

When Arther came to, Eames was sitting next to him, holding his hand. When he saw Arthur's eyes flit open, he quickly dropped his hand like it was a hot coal.

"Oh, sorry... I just wanted to make sure you were comfortable when you came to... I'm sorry..." Eames stuttered.

"Eames... do you remember the day I died?" Arthur asked, hesitantly.

Tears flooded to Eames' eyes. "How could I forget?"

"Why did Cobb kill me?"

Eames paused, his Adam's apple bopping up and down. "It was meant for both of us, I think. He threatened me, before. He found out about our plan, and said that if we carried through with it he'd kill us. I thought he was bluffing. I didn't realise how far gone he was... I should've..." Eames drew to a close.

"His obsession drew him to insanity." Arthur's voice was just a whisper. He knew. He had been obsessed with killing Eames only a day ago.

Eames nodded. "Yes. We should've done it earlier. The man that tried to poison us... he wasn't Cobb. It was his obsession."

"Can I believe you?" Arthur asked.

"Can you try?" Eames countered.

"Did you mean what you said that day?" Arthur asked, shyly.

"Of course I meant it." Eames paused. "I still feel the same way I did."

"Eames, I'm dead. My soul may be here, but I'm buried in the ground somewhere in London. My body is decomposing. I'm not really here, Eames. If anyone walks in while you kiss me, all they'll see is a man kissing empty air. I'm fucking dead. There's nothing you can do to change that, no matter how loving and sexy and beautiful and full of life you are. I can't love you, because I'm dead, and you are not. No matter what you do, I'll always be dead. Loving me will not bring me back to life." Arthur sighed. "I wish to God I could be with you." As Arthur said it, he realized how true it really was. He was exhausted with searching for revenge.

"You can be with me, Arthur. You think I don't know what was in that book?" Eames smiled at Arthur's shocked expression. "Yeah, I went back and checked it out, to see what had gotten you so shook up."

Eames lifted up his hand to caress Arthur's face, but when Arthur flinched away, he lowered his hand.

"We're meant to be, Arthur." His eyes filled with sadness, but he dredged up a smile from within. "But I can put destiny on hold if you don't want it. You'll always be the most important thing to me, but it's okay if you don't feel the same way."

It took a long time for Arthur to find his voice, but when he did, it came out as a spit. "It's not destiny."

Eames was silent for a while. "What is it then?"

"I don't fucking know." Arthur's voice cracked on the last syllable. "I wish I wasn't dead."

"I love you," Eames said. "I love you, despite your broken bits. I love you because of them."

"Stop." The word was like ice. "You're making this worse."

"Fine." Eames smiled through his tears. He was so strong. "Fine."

And with that, he shut the door behind him.