Declaration or Separation

Gone

She left.

There is no Eda.

She is not here anymore.

Bzzzz bzzzz bzzzzz ....

Eda Yok!

Eda giti!

Serkan couldn't process what just happened. He was there still standing as she left him to run back to her taxi. It's been more than 15 minutes, yet Serkan didn't even move an inch. He was frozen. As if, his life left his body and his statue was there standing.

He wanted to run after the car, or get into his car to chase Eda's taxi once again, but he couldn't. Because he didn't even understand what just happened. She was so happy, delighted, her face was like glitter, shining from the joy of hearing he loves her. She had a big smile on and she was blushing. Her whole body was shivering under his touch, then out of nowhere, she was crying, apologizing and going. And now, she's gone.

Her presence was gone but her image was everywhere. He has her smile stamped to his eyes. The sound of her giggle in his ears. Her scent filled his nostril,  her touch on his hands; however, she was nowhere around.

Just like years ago, the next morning after his older brother's death. When he woke up he was seeing his abi everywhere, listening to his voice every second. But, he couldn't hold him, he couldn't ask him to pass the orange juice on dining table. Or nag him to play basketball with him. Because he was gone, he had left him to never come back again.

She also left without a warning. Once again she knockdown something with her departure as her arrival did. The very first day when he saw her in the auditorium the strange beat of his heart has stopped. He is not feeling his breath, not feeling his legs, not feeling anything. So he wished, he wished that all these things to be a dream. He wished to hear his mom calling his name and say 'Serkan wake up, son'. He wished for Sirius to come running to his bed and leak his face. He wished for Sayife to come with all his sassiness and say 'Serkan bey you are going to be late'. Oh how much he wished everything to be a bad nightmare was beyond his estimate. Only to be able to run to Eda's flower shop and pick her up. Maybe then, he would have been more careful on keeping her by his side. He would have value her presence.

But, he has. He has always known her value. He has understood how special she was. He has always been aware of  her preciousness. That was the very reason why he constantly end up doing the things he couldn't even imagine doing. He knew how hard the nights are till he fall asleep to wake up and drive to Eda. Everyday, he had tried to be better and more for Eda. He went to the bazaar for the only reason of spending more time with her. He cooked after so many years, just to impress her and get a bit of grace in front of her eyes. He has been completely out of his routine and balance so he could see her smile one more time. But whatever he did was not enough. No matter how much he wanted, valued, and appreciated her, it was not sufficient. Everything he did was not enough to win five more minutes of her time to convince her to stay. Even though he opens his heart out for her to see and feel, it wasn't cohesive enough to hold and keep her next to him. So now, she's gone.

Bzzz bzzzz bzzzz bzzz ....

She left and whose fault would that be? He asked himself. Selin's? Eda's? or his?

No matter how much he wanted to say it was their fault and minimize the ache in his heart, he couldn't manage to deny. His brain is not buying it. Because everything his fault. It's all my fault, he thought. The contract nonsense which he held and depend so dearly to keep Eda by his side has cost him Eda.

Only if he has changed some of the agreements, she might have not go. Perhaps, if he had written at the end '2.23 you will never leave' and if she read and sign, probably she would have stayed. Maybe, if the contract was for two decades than two months, then possibly he might have some time to convince her to not leave. But no! Everything has to happen too fast. She has to leave in a blink of speed. And this was all his fault, he was all to blame. If he had told her earlier loudly and clearly that he's not in love with Selin but her, there might be a chance for her to stay. If he had showed her the glimpse of their future rather than the future of the new project and landscape, she would have stayed. Nevertheless, now is too late, too late to stop the taxi, too late to hold her hand, to late to show her his love.