On The Edge

Chapter seven

"We are here!" he interrupted me.

I looked out of the window and saw the fancy hotel restaurant, where all the rich kids used to eat.

"We are going to eat here? It's really expensive!" I was shocked.

"Don't mind, it's on me"

"But.."

"No buts, come on" he took my hand and guided me inside. The place was even bigger inside, almost like a palace.

"Woaw" I mumbled for myself.

Jeremy quickly got hold of a servant and got us the table he had reserved. He had really gone all out for this date. He was even wearing a shirt with tie and a black pair of chinos. I looked totally underdressed compared to him.

We sat down and began looking at the menu. There was so many things to choose between. My hand was laying on the table, when Jeremy suddenly began to draw patterns on the back of it with his fingers. I felt the urge to pull my hand away. Why was I being like this? It was just Jeremy that touched me.

I had known him my whole life and somewhere inside of me, I had always known that we would go out together eventually. It was like we were meant to be together. My mom had basically already planned our wedding and our future kids. So I knew this was going to happen, but why was feeling like this?

I pushed the feeling away and decided to enjoy the evening. Jeremy was a great guy and I could probably be happy with him.

The evening went by quickly. We talked and laughed like we usually did. It felt like every other night we had spent together as friends, except I could feel Jeremy wanted more. He touched my hand when ever he got the chance and when he couldn't he rubbed his foot against my leg. Which I found a bit strange. Isn't it normally the girl that does that?

Jeremy kept the conversation going and before I knew it were we already done eating and heading toward the counter, where Jeremy paid.

"Let's get you home" said Jeremy and we went toward the lobby.

"It's a really beautiful fountain" I said admiring the marble.

Jeremy stroke my hair behind my ear and laid his hand on my cheek, turning my head in his direction.

"You are beautiful" he said and kissed me. My first real kiss. Don't get me wrong, I'd kissed people before at parties and stuff. But not someone I cared about.

I leaned in and killed the distance between us. We kissed for like a minute or so. And I kept waiting for the fireworks to start. But nothing happened. The kiss felt flat, like a delicious looking meal without taste. I pulled away and Jeremy stood there smiling at me, like he had just won the lottery. Why didn't I feel anything? Jeremy clearly felt something. He was over the moon.

"Come on" he said and grabbed my hand. He seemed so happy and I didn't want to ruin it, so I kept on smiling. Maybe this was what love felt like.

He opened the door to the car and I got in. On the way home Jeremy talked all the way again and didn't let go of my hand once. But I didn't mind he talked so much. He had so many stories to tell from school, while there never happened anything interesting in my life. I could tell him that our cat had not died from overeating yet, but that was about it.

Jeremy pulled up the driveway and followed me to the front door.

"You know I can pay for my part of the dinner" I offered.

"Usually when a couple go out it's the guy that pays" I froze. What did he just say?

"A.. a couple?"

"Yeah.. A couple.. If you wanna be together with me?" he said blushing. I swallowed. I did not expect this so soon.

"yeeah okay, I mean yes" I stumbled. Why was I so bad at this..

"Great, see you tomorrow" He kissed me on the cheek and went back to his car. I quickly opened the door and closed it behind me. What did I just do? I don't even know how it feels, when you want to be with someone.

"How did it go?" My mom almost ran out of the kitchen to greet me.

"Good, I guess. We are together now" I said trying to smile back to her.

"That's great honey!"

"I don't know if that's what I want. I don't think I'm in love with him"

"Nonsense! Sweetheart that boy can make you happy and give you a good life" she made it sound like we were already married.

"But what if I want more?"

"There is nothing more you can get. You have read too many books, that kinda love doesn't exist in real life. You only need someone who can make you happy and content, nothing more. The sooner you realise that the better" she sounded almost angry.

I nodded my head and went up the stairs.

To be content. Was that all I could get? But what about finding love? I wanted to find love that made me feel excited and goofy. I wanted that great love of my life, that would sweep me off my feet and leave me breathless. I wanted passion, desire, affection, and dedication all mixed up in one. A love so intense that it consumes me whole, devours me and blinds me. Someone that made me feel brave, confident, lucky and beautiful. I wanted to be with someone, that made me feel like I had endless butterflies and firework in my stomach. I wasn't asking for a perfect love, because I knew with passion followed madness and with desire followed jealousy. But I wouldn't mind the fighting and hurting if only I could get to experience that great love.

Was that really impossible to get? Maybe my mom was right. It was only in books and movies those things existed. Nobody had that in real life. I should just learn to be happy, because I'm content and comfortable.

That night I went to sleep crying. Feeling sick of never being joyful and truly happy. Crying over my shattered dreams. Dreams about finding the one who would truly get me.

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