or what, sir? |a. hotchner| ✔️

fifty two

"You fucking heard me" I ensured, and Spencer along with Rossi came outside to see us. "Loving you was always a losing game. You were married to a cheating bitch and said I was nothing compared to her, you never knew how to show emotion even when you knew you wanted to because of your obvious undiagnosed Alexithymia" I started walking back closer to him, "You shove yourself into your work because you think it'll solve all your problems but guess what? It won't." I pointed at his chest, "I stopped talking to my parents because of you, my relationship with Spencer is so strained because of you" I was saying things I didn't mean, "I fell in love with you and my entire life fell apart, didn't you notice that?" I then screamed, "You fucking had kinky sex with my sister!" 

"Yeah? That's how you feel?" Aaron questioned, "You think loving you is easy? How do you think it looks dating someone ten years younger than them? How do you think it feels knowing that I had sex with your sister instead of you!" He was livid, "You want to play that game? You were engaged to an abusive alcoholic frat boy due to the fact that you desperately needed someone to love you because of your profuse daddy issues. You wanted kids so badly even though you couldn't that you created an emotional connection to Jack so strong it's like you're his new mother. You have a tendency in your family to murder people so you thought joining the BAU would stop that urge, but it didn't" He glared at me, and the things he was saying were fucking killing me, "Are we done here?" 

That was a thing we liked to call 'profiling till one of us cries'. We had never played that game before, mainly because we never needed to. We only did it once. "I'm going home" I said simply as I tried to keep a straight face, walking away from him. 

"You aren't allowed to just go home, we're on a case" Aaron called, 

"No, I'm not" I replied, not turning around. 

I heard Spencer say, "What the hell, Hotch" He was fuming, he picked my phone up and rushed after me. I got into my car and Spencer hopped into the passengers seat, and I started the car. 

Sniffling, I smiled through the tears that started, "Good-looking, you've got a case to finish" I looked over at him, seeing he looked so dreadful. He knew I was breaking inside from what just happened, but it was really my fault. I shouldn't have profiled all the bad things about him. 

He ignored my words and hugged me tightly, and I instantly hugged back. I started to sob loudly,  digging my face into his collar bone. "He broke up with me" I said through the cries, "He broke up with me and I got upset, it's my fault" I blamed myself, and he let go of me. 

"Ronnie it's not your fault, it's his. He's so stupid" He started, "He broke up with you at a really bad time, and probably for a really bad reason" I shook my head, 

"I killed Fae, he said he didn't want to be with someone who's killed a person" 

Spencer squinted, "What? He murdered Foyet" He stated, 

"It's different. I killed Fae because she broke into my house, she had no weapon, she was just talking to me. Foyet killed his wife and was trying to kill his son" Spencer looked at me weird, 

"Fae didn't have a weapon?" I shook my head again, 

"Not yet, I killed her before she got a chance" I bit my lip, "Spencer I don't regret doing it" I admitted,  

"And you shouldn't" He defended, "She may not have had a weapon but she broke into your home, she tried to kill both of us, she threatened you. She was a threat. It doesn't matter if she didn't have a weapon, she still could have killed you" He cupped my right cheek, "Veronica Gordon you are not a bad person. You had every right to kill her, it was self defense even though she didn't have a weapon. Aaron isn't thinking straight" He explained. 

And it shockingly made me feel better. He was saying the exact same thing I thought, which meant it couldn't have been that wrong.  "Now, go home. Right when I get there we can watch every Halloween ever created" He promised, "Maybe go see Jack for a bit, he always makes you happy" I nodded. 

"Okay" 

"I'll call you every hour, year? You'll be so sick of me that you'll want to throw your phone across a room" He said as he handed it to me, "And Veronica?" I hummed as I wiped my tears away, "You are loved" He ensured, "I love you, okay?" I kissed his cheek.

"I love you, too"

And so I got a plane ticket home because I had 'gotten very ill', or at least, that's what Strauss thought. I sat in my house alone on that Friday. I cried like a baby, I drank a lot of tea, and I watched at least a season of Forensic Files. Spencer didn't lie, he really did call me every hour on the dot. Asked how I was doing, if I had eaten, suggested I take a bath. 

He was like my mother, but better. 

I was heartbroken. He dropped the bombshell of breaking up with me, and then he fucking obliterated me with all the things he said about me. 

Sure, what I said about him was bad. But to call me a murderer with daddy issues and no chance of having children. 

He brought my ability to have children into this. I was so painfully upset, I couldn't stop thinking about it. I loved kids, I wanted so many and with him. 

Guess I couldn't have either.

But the next morning I was woken up to my doorbell ringing, and behind the wooden slab was my best friend baring gifts. A bunch of our favorite snacks, and in a bag he was carrying held every Halloween. "You finished the case?" 

"Quickly, too. The guy was a sad man who got burned alive. His wife left him because of it" He explained as he walked into the house, and I shut the door behind us. "So... Halloween 1978?"  

*short chapter again im sorry!! but kind of a super important one. ill try and get another out by sunday!!!*